The story how I come to know God and understand the Bible. 

There are people that ask me why I believe like I do. First do I tell them that I don´t believe .... I KNOW.

This is the first part of my story how God come to me and saved me.

This book can be bought online as a EBOOK. Visit Amazon to buy it 

Here is some summary and start of my book, if you like what you read buy my book.

Your life will change and you will get a much more  knowledge about the true God when you read about what God have showed me and told me.

This is a "must" for people in the church.


Where I was before God come in to my life.

I was married to a man from Texas. We lived in a small town here in Sweden not far from the town I live in now.

When I married my husband in December 18, 1998 did I thought I should live in Texas forever and my daughter should go in school in USA but my husband destroyed everything when he cheated with his boss wife and he was fired.

My husband was disable so it wasn't easy for him to get a job so we were close to be out on the street but instead did we sell everything we had and bought a airline ticket to Sweden. I lost my most value things in Texas that I had brought with me from Sweden and my 3 pets.

My husband knew I was sad and disappointed on him and he did the same thing in Sweden like he did in Texas. He was drinking every day and cheat.

He knew I wanted to leave him so he told me many times that he should look for me and kill me if I was leaving him.

I was on my way to kill myself when God come to me one evening and talked to me, he also talked to my daughter. God strengthen me to do what I did, without God had I been dead today.


God come to my home as a voice in the air. It was no direction of the voice, it was on there..... it was no bright light, it was only the voice and in a corner of the room could I see Jesus waiting with 5 other people. Jesus had brought them to me for me to telling them that I forgave them for what they had done to me. Jesus must have said to them that he should forgive them if I forgave them.

Everything was in a big LOVE so I couldn´t do anything more than forgive them.

God saved my life. I saw a door was open in a vision and the door I had behind me was closed. I had to go through the open door.

My husband was laying in the hospital and even if he was laying there could he cheat and drink !

My daughters father knew everything as my husband and he was my friend.

I told my ex that I was leaving my husband. I said I am going to take a flight back to USA so you have to take care of our daugther.

The strange thing was that no one of those two I left behind said anything against it.

My daughters father said he should help me to the airport in Copenhagen and so he did.

I was very worried that my husband should come home before I left because the day before I should leave did he called me and said he should leave the hospital earlier.

I knew I had some few hours before my husband come home.

It was a very cold morning when I left Sweden. I didn't where to go in USA but some days before had I chat with a man in Seattle that said he could help me get both room and job in his Church.........already there did a church-person bad things to me as it was a lie.

I had two suitcases with me with clothes and about 200 CD's with music for my walkman.

I my journey in Jesus footstep started immidetly hard. Beacuse when we was up on the highest fly with the airplane did it suddenly dropped in the air. It was like going down in a elevator and all people in theair plane stopped talking and I heard a big breath, a sigh of shock from people and it come so quick and so suddenly so people didn't start to scream.

It was just a deep waiting for something to happen and then in our shock did we hear the captain saying calm " it was what happen when we get a dead engine and have to switch over to another engine.

We look at each other and as I always calm in this kind of situations did I said like a joke..... " How mny engine have a airplane ? How many can we afford to drop before the airplane is going down ? " Ofcoourse I didn't get any answers.

But it was the very first time I was praying to a higher power for real as I was worried. Today do I see it that something tried to stop me to arrive in USA but God was with me and the other on the airplane. It should happen again inside USA with a airplane I should fly with, 3 months later.

I was already in big stress when I come to USA December 18 and I didn't realized it was the day I married my husband on.

I arrived at Seattle airport at 5 in the afternoon but I was not allowed to come in to USA.

I was very worried because the man that should help me was waiting at the parking lot. I had no doubt that he shouldn't be there.....I was so naive, I didn't knew anything about the real bad world.

I could have been going to Larry in Chicago but I was curious about Seattle and thought my future was there.

I was stopped at the airport. The custom had seen all my papaers from my school and now did they said I should be illegal living in USA.

They said they should send me back with next airplane. I was so worried and sad because in that time had my husband coming home and had seen that I was gone.

I bowed my head and hide my face in my hands and cry very deep.

In that time was it someone that took my 200 cd's at the custom office. It was about 60 people there so it maybe wasn't the custom people that did it.

I felt like I was crying for 10 min. but when I lifted up my head and looked around did I see all people was gone. Don't ask me how the time could fly away so fast.

It was only me and one custom worker in the big hall. The only man there said I should come in to his office.

He said I could come in to USA if I swore on the Bible that I should go the next day to the immigration and ask for to be a resident in USA.

Then he said I should pay a fee of $170 for to entry USA and get a temporary visa for one month in USA.

I was forced to accept it even if it was wrong because I am allowed to be in USA for 3 months without visa.

I didn't believe in God so it wasn't hard for me to lay my hand on the Bible and sware that I should do what he said, I wasn't thinking I should do what he said.

Now was I really frighten because I knew I had no money on my bankaccount, only $50 in my pocket.

The custom-man said a security person should follow me to the ATM-machine for to take out money.

I think today it was an angel God had sent down for to help me. It was a young slim woman with long blonde hair.

I had two empty bankcard with me to USA as my husband was drinking up all our money.

I knew it was empty but I had a hope of a miracle should happen so I didn't said anything.

I tried my bankcard from Texas and it said I had no money on the account. Then I tried the Swedish bankcard and it said

" not enough money on the account "

Behind me did I hear the security/angel telling me to put in the card again and she should push the buttons for me........

Out from my Swedish bankaccount come $100 !!!!

This was the first time I was talking to God when I said " it's still not enough money" in my mind.

Then I heard the securite guard say to me

" But you had one more card put it in ".

I was so tired so I only put the card in without saying anything about the account was empty.

Once again did she press the buttons and out come money !!

I paid the fee to the customs and got a paper in my passport that said I was allowed to stay in USA for one month.

My worries wasn't over yet because I didn't knew how to come in to Seattle and were to live as I thought the man that should help me had left me.

I was standing at the airport confused and didn't knew what to do when the custom worker tapped on my should and said " by the way, it's a man here that have been waiting in 3 hours !!!! for you "

I couldn't believe that he had been waiting for me in 3 hours.

We drove to the mans Church but the female Pastor said she couldn't help me and it was no room for me in that Church.

The man was friendly and said he could make a space for me at his ex wife house.

I wasn't used with filthy houses in that time so I was shocked when I saw how they lived.

They had two filthy dogs tied up in the kitchen and in the house was an very mental sick son running around and she had 3 small filthy kids there too.

It was flies every where and when she said I could sleep at the floor I said to the man that he could drive me to a motel for the last money I had on me.

Just before he left me did I asked him to could call in his cellphone.

I called Larry in Chicago where I should have going in the first place.

Larry works as a operator for the electric power company in Chicago with fuel of nueclear.

He said it was very weired this night because in 25 years had it never happen that he wasn't allowed to come to his job.

He said it was something wrong with the nueclear and he sat close to the telephone for to get the call that it was safe to come to his job. He said it had never been any error in 25 years at his job.

He should had been working night and had not been home when I needed him if not God had done this with his job. I had not a phone number to his job.

I asked Larry to help me out and he said I could come to him but in the same time did he said he thought there wasn't any airline ticket to Chicago left as it was so close to Christmas.

But he said he should call the airport and check out anyway.

He called me back after 10 min. and said it was one seat at the airplane that someone had backed out from !!!!

He said there was an airline ticket to Chicago waiting for me in the morning at 8.

I asked the man that was in Seattle if he could drive me to the airport next morning and he did.

In this time do I think I got much help of people but behind it was God.

Then do I want to tell you about the hidden miracle that day !

I come to know Larry and I know today that he NEVER give a person 1 dollar and he bought a ticket for $700 that night, a person that he didn't knew !!!! That's maybe the BIGGEST MIRACLE of all !!!!



He was a little drunk when he come and met me at the airport. Larry wasn't the most beutiful man I have seen but not ugly, it was a man to be use to and he was going to look ok.

I was worried that he was drunk. I wondering what kind of man I have met now but when I saw his new buick car did I understood he couldn't be so much drinker.

On the way home to him did he sat and said over and over again...... " I don't know why I did this "

In that time couldn't I answer him but today do I say it was God that made him pay $700 airline ticket to an un-known person.

I was so surprised when we come to the little town Morris and to Larry's house.

He had a huge house !!

It was a two store house with 4 bdrooms upstairs. The main bedroom had this kind of room to sit in with a table and chairs.

Two bathrooms hade whirlpool or bubble pools big enough for 4 people. The livingroom and kitchen was downstair and huge and outside did he had a bar room with glass around it.

Later on did he showed me that he had $160 000 in stocks.

He had a daughter that lived with her mother and I was shocked over how much he paid in child and ex wife support every month. It was $8000 per months.

This was a real culture shock for me that women that make a baby with a wealthy man could get so much money, not only for the child but for herself too.

Larry had a very bad lawyer that couldn't defend him so he had 50 % of the income in support.

The most angry I was about was that every time his daughter was at home he bought her expencive things and then did his daughter bring the gifts home to her mother and half brother.

She asked for things that a 8 years old girl never should ask for. I could tell it was her mother and half brother that said she should ask for expencive things from her dad and things they wanted too.

I saw how she carry home a TV, video player, many games and video movies.....

I was so angry at Larry. I told him to let her keep the things he bought in his home for her to play with when she visit him but he didn't listen.

She had nothing in Larry's home to play with.

I was so angry at him because his daughter was one of the most heavy weight girls in USA. She weight 160 lbs at the age of 8 !!!

The parents fight thru their daughter and when Lauren was with us Larry was buying her candies and cookies and extra butter popcorn that she put extra butter on by herself.

I try to cook some food for us but Lauren refused to eat my food even if it was food that kids liked.

I wanted to do food for us, also when it was only Larry and me but he wanted to do what he always had done so we ate breakfast at a resturang every day and took home pizza or drove out for to eat.

We started to be a couple Larry and I and I started to be in love in him.

His ex wife was nice to me in the beginning and we were out shopping the days before Christmas.

I bought Christmas gifts for 25 dollar as I had got some money in my bank account that my husband had not taken.

I took out the money the same day I knew money was on the account. I didn't care how my husband did with the money in Sweden but I was sure he could talk people into give him extra money and blame on me be a thief.

I was home to Larry's ex wife, Dede's, parents home and met her very healthy parents and her slim twin-sister.

Dede was about 6'0 high and about 400 lbs woman.

She bought Christmas gifts for $2000 when we were shopping and that was only few of all gifts she should buy. "Larry's money " was I thinking.

When Dede started to see that Larry and I was a real couple did she change her mind of me.

I suppose she become worried that I should get a child so she didn't get so much money in support of Larry.

She started to be evil...........


DeeDee was Catholic and Larry's daughter was in a Catholic school.

Larry was as he was half Swedish Lutheran but he didn't believed in God.

DeeDee was working as a nurse ( remember what I was talking about when I wrote about my dentist )

DeeDee called Larry everyday and was screaming in the phone how bad he was and sid I was whore and his home was a whorehouse.

She was sending paper with Lauren about sin and made Lauren go frighten of me.

I could hear Lauren in the background sometimes when her mother called up and was screaming that I was a whore and said she shouldn't send Lauren to a whorehouse.

She started to call me in the daytime when Larry wasn't home and said many awful things to me.

I started to be nervouse and felt me ill.

Every morning when Larry come home did he open his answer machine and let DeeDee voice be heard all over the house.

I saw he felt bad as he started to walk around in the house doing nothing more than look down in the floor and smoke the whole time.

One day couldn't I take it anymore so I went to the police and they was use with it because they didn't question me, they only send me home with a paper that DeeDee wasn't allowed to haress me and call me when Larry wasn't home.

But Larry use to go to the bar first before he went home, DeeDee said he was visit a girl before he went home but I thought it ws too short time for to have been visit a woman.....I never find it out

After some weeks did he come home immidetly as he was in love in me.

Larry started to look great and his pants that was hanging on him like he didn't care how he looked like started to be up were they should be and he looked more happy when he come home. Sometimes in the nights did I hear him telling me that he loved me but he never said it in my face in the daytime.

DeeDee said if I only cleaned the house and gave Larry sex, I could stay with him forever. She tried to make me feel filthy but she only made me nervouse.

One evening when we sat and watch TV come DeeDee suddenly in. I didn't knew she had the key to the house.

I saw how she pushed Larry to a wall and was screaming at him.

Later on when it was calm down and we watch TV said Larry that his shoulder hurt.

I asked him why and he said that DeeDee had push him so hard in the wall so he thought something was broken in his shoulder.

He told me that she had once hit him with her truck when he was out on his bicycle and hit him so much so he braked his leg.

I started to be frighten for my life. Larry couldn't defend me if DeeDee was going to try to kill me or hurt me.

One day when I was in the bathtube did I hear strange sound outside the bathroom. I was thinking DeeDee was outside the door with a gun.

I was shaking and was waiting for at least a hour before I walk out from the bathroom and the sound had stopped.

I was thinking that I couldn't stay with Larry much longer or else I should go crazy.

I started to get psoraris in my scalp of the threat situation.

I was chatting with people on Internet and one day did I find a man in Daytona Beach in Florida that said he had a job for me as a webdesigner.

His name was Joe and he said he owned the populare website

I thought he was for real and I got once again a airline ticket of Larry to go to Florida.

That was a huge mistake........

On the airport did we said goodbye Larry and I and he walked away.

But suddenly did I see how people was jumping a side like in surprise and out from the big group of people come Larry back ...loudly big crying and kissed me

I should have changed my mind there and stay with Larry as he truely loved me but it wasn't what God wanted me to be.

I had to leave for to walk in Jesus footstep and suffering much more than what I did at Larry's home.

I was on my way to learn about God and not on my way for a pleasant journey......

It should be worse in Florida....much worse than I ever could imagine

I left Chicago in February 2001

Next time how I was kidnap out in a forest, how I got a knife on my troat and my miracle flight from Florida......

It was total crazy.........

I have to go back in time here.

When I come to USA on the flight had we an accident.

The airplane dropped one of it's engine and the airplane dropped as beeing in a elevator. For some minutes was it panic in the airplane.

I was in some sort of praying to a God I didn't knew and the pilote calm us down and said they had only switch to another engine.

We start to laugh and asked how many life/engine an airplane had.

I had to change airplane on my way to Florida. I don't know were it was now but when we sat at the airport did they told us our airplane had some error and we were waiting in 2 hours for the flight.

People was angry but I said it was better it was error on the ground than in the air, thinking about the other airplane to USA.

They couldn't fix it so they rent some limounsines to drive us to another airport.

I was in lead and I choosed the white limounsine. Inside it was it full of bottles. The driver said he had just been driving people to a wedding and we could drink what was left there.

We had a great party in the car. I drank expencive champagn. When they heard it the other people was they going mad at us that we had such luck.

Maybe God let me drink some because of what was waiting for me at the airport in Daytona Beach.

He was the most beutiful man I ever had seen but he looked kind of weired for me.

He had black jeans and black t-shirt and leather vest and on his head did he had a black leather pot as a hat like the though bikers have.

He was smoking dope and he had to stop at every major gas-station to buy a beer and in his old cadillac was the radio on with T.N.T a song of AC/DC very bad in the text a real bad hard rock song.

I was wondering what I had done but I was happy to come to the warm Florida.

His house was a nice house but not so big as Larry's. He lived with his mother that had Parkinson deseas and couldn't talk and was walking bad after a brain surgery that took away the shaking but made her still be disable.

I become madly in love in Joe. He was so charming and so nice looking and was a great lover..........for a week.

Then one day did he said he should visit his fiancee' and stay away the whole night.

I was shocked. He had not said anything about another woman.

That day did my love go away for him and I waked up from a romantic dream.

You must remember that I wasn't really saved yet and didn't believe in God.

It was under the bike weeks so when Joe was to his fiancee was I walking in downtown and looked at the bikes.

I was sitting in a bar and was drinking a coke when Joe come in and said he wanted to talk to me in the car.

His fiance sat in the car and they both said they should be married in June and she showed me her ring on her finger.

I was hurt and went in to the bar again, refused to go with them back home.

In the bar did I met a man from New York that was a author for the "Saturday night live show" and he was playing around at the bar making jokes after jokes.

But he liked me so we become a couple and I followed him home to his mothers fancy apartment. He was driving a new Ford mustang and I was so happy.

But Joe wasn't happy when I come home. He had put my two suitcases in a chain out on the porch and said I should leave.

Then he changed his mind and let me stay. On the way to the store did he stopped the car just in the middle of the street and started to cry loudly and said over and over " how could you, how could you " I was surprised of his reaction.

We were standing in the street until a Police come and asked us what have happen.

I started to see how crazy joe was. He could change personality every half hour and I never knew who it was I should talk to.

He could be like a 15 years old boy that was madly in love in me ( it was he that couldn't drive and sat and cry in the car )

He could be the hard rocker. He could be a very fancy clothes wearing man that loved fishing and camping....I counted to 13 different personalities because of his drinking and drugs mix.

I started to look for to find a way out from Joes life.

One day was I in the bar and it was still the bike weeks did I come and talk to a man that sounded nice. He was working with cars did he said.

We were talking about motorbikes and he asked me if I wanted to see more of the bikes so we drove in his car around and was in to some places and drunk a beer and I a coke.

In the last place did I see that the man started to be very drunk so I asked him to drive me home but instead did he drove me out in a forest.

We drove to his house out in a deep forest. He said he shouldn't let me go home before Monday when he was going to his job. This was Friday.

He fall to sleep in the kitchen and I try to find a place to sleep in for to wait for the light outside.

His house was like a dumpster, extreamly filthy and I was worried that people should come to him and rape me.

I was laying with my clothes on in a filthy bed.

I run out from his house at 4 o'clock in the morning.

I didn't knew where to go. I didn't know what direction I should go so I talked to God and asked Him to show me the direction to go.

I wasn't walking more than 5 min. when I saw a house.

I was worried that people in the house should have gun and shoot me.

I knocked on the door but had no hope that anyone should be there or awake.

A woman open with full clothes on and she didn't even looked surprised.

She and her friend should just drive away and said they could drive me to the closest bus stop.

They gave me coffee and some cookies.

They said they couldn't drive me home because they should in the opposite direction but when we come to the bus stop and they saw I had to wait 2 hours for the first bus did they change their mind and drove me the whole way home.

I could kep the mug I had the coffee in even if it was a mug of stainless steel and they gave me money too.

I believe it was two angels God had sent me because I got their addresses and phone numbers but they didn't exist when I was searching for them later on for to thank them.

Joe was so mad about me been away the whole night again so I run away to a shelter and sleep there.

It was a salvation army shelter with only 8 beds for women and those 8 women was use to be out on the street and was like an evil group of women.

There was one new girl more than me and we got those sunbed you use at the beach to sleep on because there wasn't any real bed for us.

The shelter was so bad. They locked us in without have any supervisor that looked after us.

I waked up in the night of a strange sound.

The bathroom was open and light was on and I saw how those bad girls raped the new girl.

I couldn't stay there so I walked out to find me a new place to be in.

At the bus station did I met an old black woman that wanted to help me and she drove me around and asked for a place to stay for some hours.

We didn't find any place so I had to return to the shelter. I was so frighten to go back.

Just when we were 2 blocks away from the shelter come a tournado.

I had heard about a hurrican in Miami in the morning but it shouldn't hit Daytona Beach.

The car was very closed to be lifted up in the air but didn't.

When we come to the next block a police come and stopped us and said we couldn't drive closer because a tree had braked over the street.

I walked to the shelter and find the boss of the shelters new car was breaked in two parts of a huge tree had falling on it.

The whole roof on the shelter was gone and it was lots of water in the shelter. They told me I couldn't sleep there for 2 weeks.

I had to go back to Joe

Joe was happy to have me back home. We were to a flea-market and there did he bought a cell-phone for me and him.

That was the first step to lock me in but I didn't understood it.

He took me to a nice looking girl and they look like they were together as they were kissing but Joe said the girl was lesbian. I heard it later that she wasn't.

So Joe had three women but then I heard about two more....

One day were we in a forest. Joe stopped on a little very old bridge that had only many small stones as a low wall on the sides.

I don't know how Joe could make me go on the other side of the wall and standing and look down in the hard whirly water under the bridge. I am very high-level frighten and extreamly frighten about water but that's how good Joe was to make me do things without thinking about extremly good to get people where he wanted.

I was looking down at the water and suddenly I felt like I should look very fast in Joe face ( God was warning me ) When I looked in Joes face did I see a crazy face ready to push me down in the water....

I am very good in those situations as I had experiences same sort death-threat before. I become calm and very smart in those situations.

I don't know what I said but I made it to be a game with much laugh in it and I could move with small step out from the situation. I suppose I turned in Joe to another personality....maybe the 15 years old boy that was madly in love in me.

After that situation did I become to be very on my guard and come to look and hear what Joe said and did.

One day was he outside and make something on his mothers car....

That day was he this extreamly awesome good looking man again that I think was the real him. It's weired but that day was I madly in love in him. I change my feeling with his change of personality.

When we were outside did he told me that he had been engaged with a girl that was pregnant in 6 month when she was killed of a car but they never find the driver that did it.

In the way he said it did I understood it was one of his personalites that killed her and later did I reported it to FBI even if they didn't believed me. I must report what I see, it's belong to the work for God. I can't hold it back and say it's not my business. I believe God is sending me that sort of things for me to take care of it.

I felt so sorry for Joe as he was crying and then it was it he that have did it but he didn't knew it.

I was witness of one of my life greatest experiences. It should be rocket launch, the big shuttle Discovery.

Joe said we should go and see it but that morning was cloudy and Joe said it shouldn't be any launch but suddenly was it a clea blue sky so we drove to a spot that should be great to watch it. We were first there but soon it was full of cars and people that was waiting, I think we were there at 5 in the morning.

Then did it come the shuttle and it can't describe what a feeling I had inside me, it was nothing compareable. As we were so close could I see clearly how the first tank went down to earth before the shuttle was gone out of sight, the blue sky and the yelloe-orange sun in the back ground was such a nice picture.

It was worth all those troubles in Florida.

We should go to the nascar race also but in the last minute did he choosed the "lesbian" gitrl to go with, if I had ben on the nascar had I see Dale Earnhardt crash.

One night did I waked up of Joe was hit me and slap me in my face and told me how jealous he was of the man from New York. Next day did I see myself in a mirror and I had full of blackmarks all over the body.

I had got once again contact with a man on Internet. He said I could borrow his apartment in West Palm Beach.

I said to Joe that I was leaving and I took the bus to West Palm Bech. The man I met was a chief at a big resturang. He said he had a fiancee that he lived with and then did he worked so much so he only needed to come in to the apartment to take a shower and change clothes sometimes.....

I was there in 3 days then did the man said his fiancee was jealous and said he had to choose to let me stay and brake up with her or let me go. He didn't knew me so he told me to leave.

Once again did I had to go back to Joe.......

Joe was happy to see me again but now didn't he let me go out from the house.

He gave his mother his cell-phone and told her to call him if I went out. Joe could hear what his mother said.

One morning when Joe was away did I see his mother sitting with her feet in water. She waved with her hand that I should come closer to her.

She pointed down on her feet and I bowed me down and took the foot she stretch out. I saw why she was walking so bad.

She had two toes UNDER her foot paralized. I slide my fingers over her foot and took the paralized toes with my fingers and told her to put cotton under them to not get fungies between them and the foot. Just when I said it her hard stiff toes went soft and fall out on my hand like normal toes.

I couldn't believe it happen since I had been in healing once in my life only for 35 years ago. I doubt it was a healing.

When Joe come home did I asked him without say anything, I asked him how long his mother had been paralized in her toes and he said 5 years since the surgery of his mothers Parkinson deseas.

Once again did I find a man on Internet that wanted to help me......

He called me and I was not frighten as Joe wasn't home but maybe had his mother heard me because just when I was laying in bed and talked to the man in the phone come Joe in and he was really mad at me and took a big knife that he had in his camping bag and took the knife on my troat and said if I didn't stop talking.... he should cut off my troat.

It was serious situation. The man in the phone heard how my voice changed of fear and he asked what happen and I said I had to stop talking because I had a knife on my troat I said. The man in the phone said I should take contact with him on Internet when I was safe again. He said he knew I was in dangerous as he was a vietnam veteran.

I could contact the man again after some hours when Joe went out again.

The man lived in North Carolina and said he should send me $300 so I could buy me a bus ticket to his place and escape Joe. He told me to do it as soon as possible as I was in immidetly dangerous.

God was with me so Joe's mother had to go to the hospital for some hours.

I went to a Western union office and got the 300 dollar.

I didn't knew when I could take the bus, the time had to show me.... I was thinking.


In the evening just before 7 should Joe go to his fiancee and sleep there. I was waiting for Joe to arrive at his fiancee house because at her place he always was on Internet and on a chat ....his name lighted up when he was online.

I knew it was at least 20 minutes back home if it was no traffic for him.

I saw it was a bus to North Carolina 8:00 and I had luck that the man was online so I could tell him I should be on my way.

I called Taxi/cab 7:40 and asked for a cab to the Greyhound bus station and to the bus that was leaving at 8.

The woman laugh in the phone and said: " Little can't order a taxi 20 minutes before the bus is leaving...and this is high season in Daytona Beach and it's the Bike weeks so we don't have any cabs to send and if you order you can be waiting for a cab in at least one hour......" suddenly did she stop talking and I could hear of her breathing that she was shocked and she said " I can't believe it but there is a empty cab coming are so lucky...I will send it to you "

I had to pack my two suitcases very fast and run out were Joe's mother sat. She was very surprised and before she took the phone I was out in the car and to the bus station.

It was really God in that run !!! How can I ever doubt He exist when He is doing such things ?

I reached North Carolina in the early morning and the man stood there waiting for me. His name was Tom.

He was really old looking with long grey hair and beard. He had a very bad back and walked very bowed. He looked as he was 75 but he was younger than least was it what he had told me

He had a little house outside Ashboro, he had no neighbor as far the eyes could see.

We were to the mall and bought some nice things to my room. He did let me choose my own things and he asked me over and over if I didn't wanted more things.

When we come home did he showed me a picture of him and his wife and three kids. He was a real handsome man in that time, it was like he knew my thoughts and he said

" Life haven't been good to me "

When we ate did he said that he wanted for once do something good for a human so he decided to help me. He said he had killed so many people in his life.

I waked up the first night of a bright light in the room and barking from dogs.

The picture was very wrong but I didn't knew it then but I had to wait for the night to be morning until I could sleep again.

Long after have I thought about it. The bright light in my room couldn't be the moon as it's higher up on the sky in USA than in Sweden. I am use with the moon be low so I wasn't thinking about in that time.

In the morning did I asked Tom if he had waked up of the many dogs that was barking but he said he had not heard any dog and he said there is no dogs close to the house.

I know now that dogs in the Bible means the enemies.

I took a long walk and the first house I saw was a Church in the forest. It was an English Angelic Church and I knocked on the Church for to see if I could get any money or other help.

The Pastor open and invited me in. He showed me around but he didn't asked me what I did so far from everything with a big accent in my speak. It should be so the whole time that people never asked me where I was from or what I did in USA.

When he heard I had no income did he gave me $20.

Next night did I waked up early in the morning. I tried to sit up in the bed but I couldn't. It was like I was paralized. I couldn't move any part of my body.

Suddenly did I see him.

He had a long white beard and bald skull with long white hair on the sides only. He wear a eggshell color robes and sandels on his feet. His skin was like brass.

His eyes was real rounded and sticky and he jump over me and the bed and in the same time did he looked at me with the rounded sticky eyes and he was screaming at me with a loudly voice :


For me is this man Jesus. I had seen him one time before in Sweden.

I had waked up in July 2000 at the dark night and in the air was it like a big TV-screen and there he sat. He was moving his body but the picture diappeared after 1 min.

I did a drawing how the picture looked like, below is it.



I told Tom what had happen and he said that I should never get any job there out from town so it was best I moved to Virginia Beach.

He wasn't frighten, it was like he knew something he didn't wanted to tell me. Maybe was he crazy of the war and should have killed me later on.

He drove me to a salvation army shelter in Ashboro. The meaning was that I should live closer so I could work but the Salvation army didn't wanted me to be there.

I got a folder with the new testament from the shelter but how could I read it after that they refused to let me live in the shelter ? That folder did I give Richard later on.

If it was so that I didn't got help of Tom to move to Virginia Beach should I have maybe lived with a crazy man that should have killed me.

I got once again $300 of Tom to go with the bus and money for the first month rent in that house I find on Internet that rented out a room......

I never knew that I had just rent a room in Satan's own house and of his daughter !!

This part will be hard for you to understand if you haven't been into some similar situation.

Dolores, the woman I rent a room from said she should meet me at the Greyhound station in Norfolk, Virginia.

I stood outside at the parkinglot and was waiting as I said I should.

A midnight blue porsche car come and parked were I was standing and out come a woman at 30-35 with long blonde hair and a short dress and high heels. She run in to the station house.

I knew the woman should be 52 years old and she knew I was standing outside with two suitcases.

It was already a half hour gone of the time we said we should meet so I asked a woman that seems to not had something to do if she could go in at the station and asked for a Dolores Goffigan.

She come out with the woman in the Porche !

I started to be already be frighten when the woman sat and clap my tights in the car and said " How nice to get a girlfriend. I have only men at home. I hope we will be friends ! "

I wondering if I had rent a room from an lesbian.

You understand it better later on but later I understood she was only 15 years old in the car and talked and act as a 15 years old girl when she got a friend and why she didn't saw me was that she was thinking as a teen girl am thinking about a woman at 49 years of age. She thought she should find an extremly old woman at the parking lot.

She lived in a huge house in a upper-class area in Virginia Beach.

It was a new area so there was no bus-line. I asked her why she didn't said it when we were talking on Internet but she said she should drive me if I wanted to go somewhere, I didn't believed it and was so disppointed.

Then did I get a very small room that had lots of nice funiture and porcelein from China. She said if I breaked it I should pay for it.

The room had no door. She had put up a very thin curtain as a door so if I had a lamp on in the room could the men see me.

The room was the first room you come to when people visit us. My life was just open for anyone to see.

She told me to make it nice every morning if people visit her house so it had to look like no one was living there as she tried to make the house look like she was by herself in it.

I paid $300 for one month for that "room". I was not allowed to cook in the kitchen only store the food. I shared the bathroom with her when she alloweded me to do it. Most of the time did I wash me in the little guest bathroom close to my "room".

She was sleeping in her living-room for som nights but then did she decide her to make a hell for a young man in the military. He was a latin man and she talked very bad about him loudly and she put her 4 dogs on him. He had to jump over the dogs when he come home as they bite him in his feet and legs.

Dolores had 4 evil chihuahua... one of them didn't I clap... he even bite Dolores.

One of the chihuahuas always walk in at the mornings and pee under my bed.

I feel so sorry for the young man. When he moved said Dolores I should follow her to the military base and witness against the young man that he had stolen some of Dolores belongings.

I didn't knew she was satans daughter in that time so I believed her that he had stolen things from her.

Dolores was a widow of an high chief comander in the Navy so they listen at her at the Navy station and they locked in the poor young boy.

When the poor young boy was gone did Dolores started on me... to be evil.

Sometimes could she be very nice to me and we were real friends but other time was she the most evil person I ever have met.

She said she was a mix of African american and Hawaii blood. She was light skinned with a short curly hair that she didn't showed for any man but for me did she teached me how to glue hair.

She had long blonde glued hair and when she was drunk she took it loose. Sometimes did she walk with one side short and one long. She really confused the men that lived there.

It lived two men upstair in the house, one owned a photo model agency and the other was Pastor.

The argency man had the main bedroom and he was confused when he had to move to the smallest bedroom when the young latin was gone.... for the same rent !

Now wanted Dolers to call me Dede instead. She had got her mainroom back and we were sitting and chat with men on Internet and had those girls talk for some days.

Then did she change again and was evil, I never knew what mood she was in. When she was evil was I not allowed to even go in to the kitchen and had to use only the small bathroom that had no shower.

She said that white was filthy and I had to buy me white gloves before I could go into the kitchen. She said that all European had Herpes so I had to have the bathroom downstairs.

Sometimes was we out on a bar and we had fun together.

One day did she said she had put in an ad on those chat-lines at the phone.

She said she had put in that she liked both white and black men but when they visit I should take the white and she the black men she said.

I thought she was kidding only.

One day when I come home sat a man in the living-room and DeDe said the man wanted to have a date with me. It wasn't what she said it should be because this men was light skinned men. She brought me some men and all ended that they took me out in their car but we never hit any place to eat, instead did they put down their pants and wanted me to touch them.....

They drove me home quick when they saw that I wasn't into it. After 3 men that did the same come a more smart man to our home.

He could read people better and saw that I was not wearing any sexy clothes or talk like I wanted sex so when DeDe wasn't with us for some minutes said the man that it wasn't like DeDe told me about him.

She told me that he was one of the men on the telephone ad and she find out he was an old classmate to her but the man said he had met DeDe on the street outside wal-mart and she had said to him that she had a sexy Swedish woman at home that wanted sex, he had never seen DeDE before.

The day after had I come home without DeDe had notice it and I heard her in the phone telling an un-known man this

( Don't read this if you are under 18 or are sensative )

She said :

" I have a Swedish girl in my home and all Swedish girls are good in sucking cocks "

I understood it was why the men took off ther pants in the car on our "Date".

I couldn't find me a job so I didn't knew what to do and I was scared of what DeDe should do when she find out I couldn't pay the rent.

I started to pray to God to help me. I was frighten that DeDe should tell the police I had also stolen from her and I should be kicked out from USA ( in that time did I wanted to stay in USA and I had sent in my paper to live in USA in Chicago )

One evening sat DeDe and I and shared a bottle of wine and as DeDe took much medicine did she go drunk fast.

She wanted to watch a movie that evening it was the first time she wanted to watch TV so badly.

It was a movie about satanism. She told me her father had been the President for an satanism club in Virginia Beach and she had been the only woman to go in there.

She told me about an aunt that had an empty house were demons lived and that no one could live in so it had to stay empty.

Suddnly did she turn her around with death in her eyes. She stand over me and was screaming at me why I was in her house just when she took her hands around my neck come the man who had the photomodel agency and run down and took DeDe away from me.....he was very scared and couldn't understand why DeDe tried to strangle me.

That evening did I understood something was very wrong with DeDe because she changed to be a very deep Christian woman and gave me Holy water and sprinkle it in my room and in my bed. Then did she told me to ask for Jesus blood to protect me. She said I should ask God to let Jesus blood go through my whines to clean my body from any of the enemies attacks.

It was in DeDe house I started to talk to God and pray.

It was Easter and DeDe wanted us to go to her Church, Rock Church International in Virginia Beach........

Rock Church International is one of the biggest church in USA. It started when the couple Gimonez visit Pat Robertsons radio station in Portsmouth.

Gimonez become friends with Pat Robertson and when Pat Robertson had got a message from God that he should start a TV station in Virginia Beach and become wealthy did he also support Gimonez so they could built a huge Church.

They told me in 2003 that they had 3000 paying members in the church.

We all in the house should go together to the church and we were ready and was waiting for DeDe but she never come down to us but in the end did I said something that made her coming down, I know it was from God what I said.

DeDe come down with a very red suit and her lips was REALLY red done more than her mouth and her eye make-up was like a whore.

We all stared at her, couldn't believe she should go to the church like that.

I asked DeDe where she had her Bible. She had a very big Bible that she said she had to the Church but she didn't care about the Bible.

In that time didn't I knew she had multi personality disorder so it's only confused me how she was acting.

Her grand daughter was with us and DeDe said her grand daughter had wrong shoes on her.

She drove to Wal-mart and we all said that the Church had already started so we had to be hurry but she didn't listen, she went in at Wal-mart.

( if you don't have got the clue so far.... but she was in Satan's daughter personality and didn't wanted to go to the Church, she tried to delay us )

One of the men had to go in and get her in Wal-mart when she didn't come out.

The service was already started and it was one of the most famous preacher in USA a black Pastor, I think it was Pastor Craflo Dollar, I didn't knew any Pastor in USA so I don't really know.

The Church was full of people and the Church take maybe 3000 people so we got some place almost highest up in the Church far behind the altar so we couldn't see what was going on at the altar but the preacher run up to our group.....

He was staring at DeDe and pointed a finger on her and was screaming ...

" Why do you come late to my Church !!!!! " ...I didn't felt me guilty as I hadn't done anything to be late but DeDe had not got even time to sit down she was standing as a big red light with all the eyes on her.

That was a real preacher who could feel God's anger when satan enter the church !!!

I told DeDe that I should go to the altar after the service and I went to a Minister and DeDe was with me but when she saw who the Minister was she stopped and took some step back for him to not see her. ( remember this, it will come an explaination why she was hidden )

I told the Minister that I had no money and no place to stay and asked him if the Church had any place for me. I got a phone number and a name to Sister Mary.

When I should turn around to DeDe was she gone and I saw the car was gone...they had left me !!! And it was to far to walk home did I thought but later did I go that distance and it took about 3 hours to walk from the Church to the house but I didn't knew as I had never been to the Church before.

It was before the terrorist attack so I was suddenly by myself in the Church. The huge Church was scary when it was dark but I walk up on the altar and to the offices in the back of the Church, behind the altar.

I walked to the Pastor and Minister office but all people was gone as it was Easter. It was a strange and weired feeling to be by myself.

Then suddenly did I hear someone speaking in Hebrew so I walked to that direction where it come from.

I come in to a pray-room and a young jewish man was walking around and talked to God in Hebrew not knowing I was there.....He had his head lifted up to God and I stood only still and looked at him.

So suddenly did he step into me and waked up from the talking and said he was sorry and said he didn't knew he wasn't alone.

Suddenly did I felt a Holy feeling and I said " I AM here " I don't know why I said do I know it was God that was there with us talking through me.

We both went on our knees and pray together. He was praying in Hebrew and I listen at him.

( I knew Hebrew as my daughters best friends had lived in Israel and her brother was speaking Hebrew to us sometimes.That was one of the strange thing in 2000 that my daughters friend was the Pastor for a Pentacostal Church, when we didn't believed in God )

I couldn't talk to him about a ride back home as he was in the spirit still when he left and I didn't knew when he left either...he was only gone and I never saw him again.

God had already told me back home to bring with me paper and pens to make drawing with, I didn't know why I should but I did it.

So I sat down in the pray room and start to make drawings of what was coming in my head and I started to make a drawing of Jesus on the cross.

When I lifted up my head did I see that an old woman had enter the prayroom and sat on the other side of the pray-room and was reading the Bible and was talking to God.

It come in a woman in her 40's wearing a red suit but not as red as DeDe's she had a long blond hair and she was walking around as she didn't saw me. She was walking around a table with a box on were people could put down their pray requests.

Every time she come to my place she stopped like God stopped her but she never looked at me or said something.

Then did she walk to a window and looked out on a new build park with a pool.

God told me to make a drawing of the woman in red suit, why I didn't knew then but it should show up later why ( remember this )

Then suddenly did she also disappear in the same mysterious way as the Jewish man.

I had seen the old woman go to the bathroom that was in the prayroom and she was walking very bad with one stick.

She had been sitting there for a long time and the pray-room was empty.

Suddenly did I hear God saying that I should go to her and lay hand on her legs.

The old woman was surprised that I come and put myself on the knees. I said as we were by ourself I could lay hand on her without no one knew it and she let me do it. She said she had polio in her leg since a child.

She must have felt something because she started to lift her both arms up in the air and said " Thank you God " many times......

I walked back to my place and my drawing.

I looked up one time when the old woman walked to the bathroom. She was walking as a normal person and had not the stick in her hand !

After a little while come a young man in from the direction of the altar. The old woman must have been out to the office and told what had happen.

He walked straight up to me and put himself on his knees in front of me. I was surprised and a little embaressed. I have never seen such humble eyes ever and he asked what he could do for me and I said I was thirsty and he come with a soda to me.

I asked him for a ride back home and he said he should go and get his car. Don't take it in worldly thoughts now ...take it in your spirit......

The young man died on the way of getting his car ! I heard it 2 years later when I was in the church that the youth Pastor died in a car crash on Easter 2001.

I was surprised that the man never come back as his eyes told me he could do anything and everything for me.

I was pretty tired of be in the prayroom and the sun was on it's way down.

An elder come in at the prayroom and I asked him if he knew any that could help me home but he said it was close to the evening service so he couldn't.

He went into the Minister office and come back and said he had told them he could be late to the service.

He and his wife drove me home and I told them how bad it was in the house and they said they could walk in to the house and pray for it before they drove back but when they saw the house they said they didn't wanted to go in there.

I didn't understood it but one day I got the answer why. ( remember this )

I have find a friend here on MySpace that have been in the choir in Rock Church and he told me that the old woman was up at the Church service and told them about the healing of her legs.

Dede's most evil personality was showing up most the whole day now. I suppose she was use with me now and didn't need to hide.

I started to understand that she had this multi personality disorder. I understood that we that lived close to DeDe made her different personalites to come out many time.

I told the men to call DeDe at her real name, Dolores because Dolores was a young positive girl and fun to be with but the men didn't understood it. The teachesr name was Mrs. Dolores Goffigan.

Oh, how I hated when they said DeDe because she was the evil one of all the personalities.

I come to understand more one day when DeDe had been up to her room and had been sleeping.

She had been out in business and was the strict teacher that she had been working as before she become sick.

She was a very nice looking woman in her real age of 52 but now was she tired after been out for a long time in the morning.

She was sleeping only 20 minutes when she come down again only in her morning gown that was open all way up and nude under and barefoot.

Immidetly when she come down did she start to screaming and was angry at everything.

I was happy when she was going to sleep 3 hours later.

After awhile come she down again and now dressed and shoes on her feet.

She looked at the clock and said very surprised, " Have I been sleeping for 4 hours !? "

In that moment did I understood that she didn't knew her different personalities. It was sad about her because she didn't knew how bad she was most of the time.

It must confusing her when people avoid her or said she had done something in her evil personality.

I remember one time when we couldn't start her computer. We called a friend that was working with computer but he couldn't find what was wrong.

As I knew now that she could be many personalities and doing bad things at the computer did I looked at everything to see what was wrong.

When she was the teacher did she knew everything about computer as she had been responsible for the computer in the school but as a young girl she put up much "trash" to clean up for me when the computer was slow and as DeDe was she careless and evil and wanted to destroy.

I find what was wrong on the computer. She had switch the electricity on the computer to stand as the European standard and the computer didn't start.

Both Joes and DeDe's multi personality was of mixed drinks and drugs for a long time and I think there is some kind of abuse in all those multi personalites disorder people.

The men in the house was never with DeDe... as soon as they come home they run to their rooms and didn't come out from them as they had their own bathrooms and TV's. When they did their cooking in the kitchen did they run to their rooms with the food even if DeDe had forbidden it but the men was only in the kitchen when DeDe wasn't around.

They were allowed to be in the kitchen as they were black but I as white wasn't allowed there for DeDe so I cooked in the kitchen when Dolores was in the kitchen only.

I couldn't do like the men as I had no door and was not allowed to use my room in the daytime if someone was visit the house but we never get any visit as DeDe had scared away all people.

She had only a daughter that visit us but she knew how her mother was but when she was there her daughter made her be a normal person but I saw that she had learn to know when her mother turned into DeDe as she sometimes was in hurry to run away from the house.

I was praying very much to God and I said in my mind once that if He was with me.... did I asked God to do a big thing so I for sure knew it was He that did it.

I sat in the kitchen with DeDe's Bible and asked God to do a sign, DeDe was with me evil as always.

Suddenly fall the porclein plates and figures down from a shelf in my room and DeDe run to the room and I heard her saying loudly that she had said to the men that had put up the shelf to make it very safe as it was so expencive porclein on the shelf.

I saw that the shelf had come out in a corner from what hold it, not to make the shelf fall but enough to make the plates move and figurines fall down on my bed.

That made me not doubt that God had answered me when DeDE said she had made sure it was safe the shelf.

I prayed to God to help me how to make it the day DeDe wanted her rent. I was so frighten of her anger and where I should go. I didn't knew anything about help in the Churches or shelter as I had never needed it in Sweden. But God helped me in a mircle way again !

DeDe had find an american man in Germany and she let me recording her when she strip teased in front of the camera for the man in Germany. I was wondering how long she should go but she was almost nude. She send it to him to tease him.

First said DeDe she should make me come with her as she didn't understood German and I was happy to go back to Europe where I could call for my daughter father to come and get me in his car but I knew very soon that it shouldn't happen... that I should come with DeDe.

I started to wake up at exactly in the same time every night. It was 2:20 in the night that I waked up of that someone was in my room looking at me. I couldn't see anyone but I could feel the presence of it.

DeDe was up and talking to Germany but she was far from my room upstairs so it wasn't she.

It was going on in one week and so one morning at 4 o'clock did I waked up of an VERY loudly voice as like a military given out an order.

I didn't see anyone in the room but it was there in the room with me and it said : " Don't make any decisions of what men is telling you ! " and then was it gone.

I thought all the other had waked up of it but when I asked no one had heard anything.

It was me God was talking to and no other. It's strange that He can isolate me so other don't see or hear Him.

One day did DeDe said she should move to Germany and I couldn't come with her.

She said she should fix me another place as it was she that was selling the house and moved to Germany. I didn't needed to tell her I had no money !!!! And God made her help me get another place !

DeDe gave back her car she was paying off and she was selling her house and had put up and sign for sale outside on her grass in front of the house.

So one day did it happen !!

She waked up as the nice strict teacher and she was walking around confused of what had happen in the house when she had been sleeping ... in real for days.

I can still see her face when she looked out at her window and asked me

" What is it for a sign on the grass " but before I answered her come one of the men happy and asked with a surprised voice if she had forgotten she had her house for sale.

But the teacher went back and come not back no more. DeDe was now out and took charge over the whole life for the poor woman.

The Pastor that lived in the house had a nice girlfriend and she was going to be a Doctor and I suppose that she had heard how DeDe was screaming and was bad to me because one day did she come and asked me if I wanted go away from the house for some days and as I was so tired of the evil DeDe did I said yes.

She had her examination to be a Doctor at Duke University in North Carolina and she took me to her home for to ask her old parents if they could take me in at their big house but they didn't wanted me to stay there.

I saw that Elisabeth was from a very wealthy family and she told me that her studies was paid of her parents but still couldn't they help me out.

I learned that most of the students to be a Doctor could loan money from the Government but then do they have to sign a contract that they should work as a Doctor in any place the Government needed a Doctor for 3 years but Elisabeth didn't needed it and had already a job in New York waiting for her in the fall of 2001.

( I suppose she got much to do as a Doctor in september in New York )

She took me to her brother that had a beuty saloon and a big house he never lived in. Elisabeth said it was safe to be in the house as her brother liked men but her brother didn't wanted me there ....not he either.

Poor Elisabeth she had to take me to Duke Unviersity and we slept over at one of her friends house close to the university.

I was going with her as I was not allowed to stay by myself in that house and I understood it and accepted it.

I was reading all the books about MPD I could find and I had much time to spend those three days we were at Duke University.

I read that the only way to heal a person with MPD was by hypnosia were they could go and find the real person that had been abused and make him/her talking about what had happen for to make those other personalities to go away.

I also read about the weired form of MPD that DeDe have when in the sleep they change personality.

Back home did DeDe said she had find an old childhood friend that still lived were DeDe grow up. She said this man said he had an old father that needed a nurse to take care of him.

She helped me to pack my belongings in my two suitcases.

I couldn't find some of my underwear and some other things so we started to looking around after them as DeDe thought the dogs had taken them and hidden them.

We were even out in her garage built in the house to see if the dogs had taken them there.

In that time wasn't she DeDe or else had she not taken me there.....


We find all kind of things there and all the things that she thought the poor latin man had stolen from her did we find in the garage !!!!!!!!

It was DeDe that had stolen and hide to accuse people of stealing !!

When DeDe saw it did she turn in to DeDe and the nice woman was gone.

But she couldn't hide what she had done but still blame it on the dogs. ( how they could have hidden big heavy candle holder those small dogs )

She drove me to a meetingplace with her " Childhood friend " and she was shocked when he come driving ina a new Buick.

" He is rich, you can marry him !" she said to me. I heard that she had wanted do it by herself as he also was an handsome black man of the age of 55.

He showed us the house were his father lived.

DeDe the evil one thought she should drive me out far from everything and lock me in on a farm with an old man but she was wrong !!!

DeDe couldn't believe her eyes when she saw the Golden new Cadillac parked at the house.

He was on his lawn-mover that he could sit and drive. And the old man was swinging his legs like he was and he also looked like he was younger than his son !

Still in the car said DeDe...." He is rich, good will have it very nice here...!!! Not what she espected it to be at all.

I have already written about this old man many times, Lowell, but here is the whole story complete.

Lowell was an Reverand and Pastor for 40 years.

He asked us to come in at his kitchen.

DeDe asked were she should bring the suitcases. Lowell looked at her and said a little angry " I haven't said I should hire her yet "

I thought I should once again be denided a place to sleep in.

Suddenly from nowhere did I went away in myself and out from me come something that I should have said if I wanted to get me a place there.

For me is it like God is taken over me sometimes as I speak like I never speak of my own.

I heard me myself saying something like this :

" I am here for to learn me from you the Bible and when you are done you will die "

Scaring words that I should never had said.

Lowell looked at me with big eyes and the suddenly was it like he understood it was God that was talking trough me and she said to DeDe " she is ok, she can stay ".

DeDe drove home and left USA for Germany. I was to the house just before I left USA in spring 2004 and the house had been empty for 3 years. It was like she had been talking about herself and the house when she said the night she was trying to strangle me that she had an aunt whos house was empty because it was evil things in there.

One more scaring things was when she asked me where she should move to in Germany and she wanted me to translate it was the name of the city the Devils hill.

Lowell son said later that he had never seen DeDe before as she had said both to me and him.

It was like heaven to come to Lowells house even if I wondering how I should take me to a city if something happen. I had learned now to always look for an escape way out if there was any bad going on.

But there on the farm couldn't I run as it was one hour with a car to the city and I couldn't knock on any house because the whole area was it people that belonged to the family that lived there.

Lowell used to take me in the car and drive me around his private area and we messure it in the car and it was 3 km in all the directions from the house.

He didn't worked with the ground, he rent the land out to farmer and they come to us and gave us some of their harvests.

One man come and gave us fish once a week.

We had only 5 apple trees that I took care of as Lowell wasn't interested to take care of the apples.

On his mark close to the house had he two of his sons living in their own houses. One son was a prisonguard and the other was Police detective.

They never visit their father as they were frighten of him but I visit them a few times.

A little away from the house did his third son lived. He was a retired military.

I had only few steps to Lowells big garage were he was building boats and many people had their boats there that they repair by themself.

I had many men around me of age 50+ but no women, I really lived in a mans world.

The men was so surprised first time they saw me how I could be there from Sweden.

They all knew what was going on with Lowell and many of them was Christian but no man helped me or said something how dangerouse it was to be there.

It was a one level brick house. In the house was it three bedroom, a normal kitchen and a big living-room.

We had 4 new electric piano/organs. Lowell said he bought all 4 because he couldn't make up his mind who was best sound on.

He used to sit and play and sing for me in the evenings and for some hours did we study the Bible, just as God said it should be.

We had very nice evenings together in the beginning of my staying.

Lowell have a renting business in Washington and New York in renting out limounsines and sometimes did they come with some of the limounsins and we drove to a fancy resturang and eat.

I was amazed how much Lowell could work outside in the sun. Sometimes did I go out and told him he had to take a break but he never listen.

He could work from the sun went up to the sun went down outside with only one break for Lunch.

He climb up in those big boats easier than the 30 years younger men.

One evening at 9 o'clock did I sit and listen when he was playing and singing.

He sang three songs and then did he sat down very tired.

He said very sad and tired : " I wish I could play and sing as I did in my youth, now can I play and sing for only 20 minutes " He had showed me pictures of him playing with his band in younger age.

I said, " Don't you remember that I have told you I can heal ".......He looked up with a scorn/derision/mockery smile in his face and said I should do it then.

He was laying on his sofa laughing and said again that I should heal him and I was thinking at least can I give him a smooth massage on his tired body.

He fall to sleep very quick but he slept only for some minutes. He was still laughing and said he should see if he was better to play and sing now.

I sat and listen to his singing and playing for some hours and left him very happy at the piano.

I waked up at 3 in the night and he was still playing and singing.

Sometimes did I go to the piano and played a song with one finger. I have always wanted to could play piano.

My sister got a piano and piano lesson but not me. Our piano was my best friend when I was an abused kid. I used to play on the piano and imagine princess and princes but I never could learn to play with more than one finger.

Lowell had to go away the whole day for to buy equipment to the boats.

By myself and nothing to do did I sat down at the piano. Suddenly did I felt I should try to play with both hands and I could !!!

I even could play with both hands and sing in the same time !! It was like it was an both direction healing.

I sat often at the piano and playing but had hard to believe I could play for real my brain was in a denying.

For some years had my voice going down after a bad surgery but suddenly did the voice start to heal.

We got visit of Lowells son from Washington D.C, he wasn't frighten for his father as Lowell loved his oldest son because he was famouse and was wealthy.

His son was in that time the manager for the fedral tax office in Pentagon. He come home and showed a private letter from the President that he had got some sort of medal.

Lowell son lived in Michelin area in Washington with 52 room house by himself as he was divorced.

Gary had twin sons but one had been in an accident and was disabled. They thought he was behind in his brain and he couldn't talk.

One day was Gary visiting his father and they asked me to baby-sit the disable twin for them. I was a little worried as the boy was 14 years old and if he suddenly was going angry at me, I shouldn't could defend me.

In that time didn't I knew that the boy wasn't abel to talk so I was never thinking about it when he was talking to me.

I asked him about his school and he answered me.

Later was I with the whole family on a resturang and I told them a little what the disable son had said to me about the school and about his life.

It was quite around the table and people only sat and starred at me. Gary asked me how I knew all that about the school and his family and I said without knowing what was wrong " Peter told me when you all was away "

Gary answered me and said, " But Peter can't talk " I think it was it about when it says in the Bible to talk in tongues. We both must have talked in the spirit to each other.

The 5th son, the oldest of Lowells son have the same name. He is a Supplier Diverity Program Director for Dominion Resources, inc, no one can tell me after I have been living with Lowell that black people are victims and can't make a career in the mix field of jobs !

He have also a daughter in Atlanta, Georgia that was in that time the manager for a company from India that was selling clothes.

Living with an 80 years old black man gave me much knowledge about the AfricanAmerican history.

Lowell said that Carrington was English and that his relatives had been slaves under English people. Lowell was light skinned but he showed me pictures of his brothers and one was white so they were mixed.

Lowell said he could go in at the white resturang when he was young and sometimes people asked him why he was walking at the black side of a street.

His kids was student in white schools and he said it was ok as long as the sons didn't flirted with white girls.

He told me he had been an sergeant in the military and had been fighting in Korea.

He told me he was wounded in Korea. He said he had a big hole in his stomach and he was laying and hold his plate against the hole so the intenstine didn't come out. A group of Koreans find him and he was laying in their village for some days before they could take him to the hospital.

He told me how important it was to immidetly take order.

He told me about the young man that didn't stopped when he gave order to stop and the man blow up in front of him.

He had a machine for his lungs and many times did he said, " have you seen a man that should have been dead in 6 months and still live after 63 years ?

He told me the story when he showed me his big scar how he as a soldier come too late for the airplane he should be in because he was away and fix a sandwish before leaving.

When he come out did he see the airplane he should be in had started to lift and an enemy airplane come and shoot it down and he was so close so he got pieces of the airplane in his lungs, the Doctor gave him 6 monthes to live.

I think it was sad when Lowell said when he come home from Korea should he marry a girl but in his menthal distressed brain didn't he remember where she lived so he walk in at the wrong house and married another woman.

Later on did I come to meet the girl he should had been married to and they had lived in a "shadow marriage" always had stayed in touch through the years and she told me the same story so it was true.

One day did Lowell stopped to study the Bible with me. He lay it away and never open it again.

It was when I sat in the kitchen and we study the Bible and I asked him about what the fishermen and the net means and he was thinking about it and said it was that fishermen was those who took people to Jesus.

Than didn't he said anything more. He was cooking food at the stove when I suddenly got a message from God and I said to Lowell what God had told me.

I said: " and the net they have is the whole world it means. The net look like those messure we have on the globe with longittude and latittudes it's like a net when they draw it ! "

Lowell looked up from his cooking and said with a surprised voice " Are you know teaching me, a Pastor for 40 years ? " It was the last day we study the Bible.

I don't know why he started to do his grave. Maybe did he remember what I said the first day...or more right what God said through me....

He took it wrong as so many people do in what God is telling us. He thought he should die in his body but it was in his spirit he died.

He started to cut down some trees in the forest and grow grass on the place he had prepared. He was working as he should die in few days.

He started to be more angry and his mood was swinging. It was an old friend that visit him, he wasn't old in age. Those two started to talk sex in the kitchen and was flirting with me about my sexlife.

He started to drive away to buy women and I asked how he could buy women when he was a Pastor but he said it was like clothes you take on and off. One hanger was for the Pastor and one hanger for the man that bought women.

Now did he start to tell the men that was repairing their boats to take them home and never come back to him.

He started to play a game with me. He knew I had no money and he didn't paid me for my work I did for him.

When we should go to Wal-mart did he use to play this game, he old one 1 dollar in one hand and 10 dollar in the other and asked me wish of them I wanted.

He saw it made me feel mental ill as I was of need of money but didn't wanted to look at money. He gave me the 10 later on so I could buy me some candy and pads home.

He also started to say..." I think I will buy me a new car today " and did he looked out in the window at his 4 cars.

He had the new golden cadillac, one new saab, his old caddillac and the big mercury were he had a wheelchair in and a lift when he went to the hospital.

We took the big black Mercury one night for to go to Atlanta to visit his wife and daughter.

He had not said so much about his wife. Sometimes did he sit and looked at me with love in his eyes and said if he had no wife he should marry me, I suppose it was the 50 years old personality that was in love.

I was so worried when we drove to Atlanta, I was so frighten he should fall to sleep but we had loudly music on that made him be awake. I was glad a younger personality was out and driving.

His daughter was in shock when we arrived, she didn't knew her father should drive the whole way to Atlanta.

She lived in a huge new built house. It had 26 rooms and 6 bathrooms. Only the main bathroom was bigger than my living-room.

Lowell said he should stay one week and I was off work as his daughter and hired people took care of him.

He had a beutiful wife with a white long hair with one braid loaf on her back.

Later on said Lowells daughter that she took care of her mother as her father was not nice to her mother.

I had with me from Sweden an hardrive were all the pictures of my kids and parents was and I also had a finished book on there that I had written on in 5 years.

I put in the hard drive in one of the computers they had in the basement. Lowells grandkid had a webdesign buisness in under the house and I sat there all the time as I didn't wanted to disturb the family.

Then suddenly a night did they waked me up and said we should go home.

I said that my harddrive was in a computer downstair but they said they should send it to me.

It was a real mistake...they never send the harddrive back to me and I lost all my work and all the pictures of my kids and parents.

It was very hard to accept the lost, how people could be so evil. I had a 30 Gb harddrive with me and it was very much in 2001 and it was full of things from Sweden.

I have forget to write that I asked God once when I was in DeDe's house why He had taken me to such bad place and why I was in USA instead to be with my daughter and God answered me and said that I should built a church one day.

I also asked him now in Lowells house and he answered me by showing me times in my life when I had been mean to Christian people and I also should be treated like I had treated them.

Learning learning learning from God

Lowell took me to the immigrant office in Norfolk. I said he should take the golden cadillac for impress on the people there. I asked for a workpermission.

The woman asked whom I should working for and I had to ask Lowell to come in to the office. She saw I was walking to the golden Cadillac at the parking lot.

When Lowell come to her did she said to him, " She don't need any workpermit she is going to married you " Lowell said he was already married but the woman in the office only laughed at as and said I couldn't get any workpermit in USA.

Lowell said she wasn't from USA as she had a big accent.

One day come Lowell home with three dogs. He took them to one of his garage. When I asked why he took home dogs did he said he had got them so cheap, only 60 dollar.

I never could figure out why he took those dogs. Maybe he should kill them for someone.

Those three dogs was so very frighten. They were behind an big water tank.

It was two yellow labrador, one was like a real labrador but the other had one blue eye.....the third dog was like a boarder collier.

I try to be friend with them by sitting with them when I fed them. I was talking to them but they never come to me.

Lowell gave up on the dogs or maybe me that maybe was an guardian angel for them protecting them to not be killed of Lowell.

But one day open Lowell the doors and said to me that he let them run away to the forest.

They were in the forest for three days and I tried to call on them but they never come to me.

On the fourth did they come to me when I sat outside, Blue eye come and lay his head in my hand and looked at me as he was asking for help.

I saw they were sick and asked Lowell to take them to the vet but he didn't wanted it. He said they had been in the peanuts fields and got poison in them and should die.

The first that died was the labrador, she come up to the house and died. I asked some men that was taken away their boats if they could help me to put the dead dog into the forest so it shouldn't lay in the sun and be rutten close to the house.

They were so scared, the two black men said..." We never touch dead " so I had to pull the heavy dog to the forest.

I knew when it was time for blue eye to die. He come to me and lay his head in my hands. I loved that dog so much and I was full of hate to Lowell to let this beutiful nice dog die. I said goodbye to blue eye and he went into the forest and come never back again.

Then was it left the boardercollier that I did liked less of those three and typical didn't she died.

She was my dog. When Lowell come did she run into the forest. She was with me all the time outside and I fed her.

I called her VOVVE it's a child word for dog in Swedish. When I come out in the mornings and screaming Vovve was it like a big tractor come out from the forest. Vovve alway was running around the house to see if Lowell was close to us before she come to me.

I asked Lowell if he had any leash for my dog and he laughed and said that it was impossible to learn the wild do to walk in leash.

Vovve and I was walking very much around in the area, she was super in to walk nice and close to me in her leash. I miss her and wondering what happen to her when I was gone. My dream is to one day stay close to the forest and screaming VOVVE and see if she is alive and remember me.

It was nice to be out in the country in the summer. Lowell showed me how to cook and grill spareribs in the old way. I picked peacons from a tree we had, they don't grow in Sweden and I saw those peanuts fields and cotton fields and vultures that we don't have.

I lived in the main bedroom and was sleeping in like a royal bed and had a big TV to watch on.

More and more started Lowell to change to the worse. He had told the men to leave us alone and now did he changed the telephone so I could only call local.

He didn't take me with him to the city. I was total isolated from any person more than Lowell.

Then one day did I stepped on a snake in my waderobe. Lowell took it out and told me to take an axe and killed it .

I asked him if it was a bad snake that had poison and he said no so I asked Lowell to let him go but Lowell said and I felt like it was more than to the snake he said it :

" He was on the wrong time in the wrong place, so kill him "

I was sad even for the snake I killed, the life felt so hard to live.

Lowell started to haress me with question if I thought an old man could be hard and have sex. then did he showed me a tool for men to make him hard.

I understood it was very close that he should do worse....

One day did I see that he had taken the new trailer he had parking close to the house and put it close to my window and he was working with something in it like a telephone or camera to check out what I was doing in my room.

His sons was in police and military so he maybe had nice things to spy on a person.

Some days later should he drive to the city for some hours and he asked his retired son and his girlfriend to sit outside the house and watch me if I was leaving the house.

They had a cordless phone in their hand so they could listen if I called someone.

I started to be nervouse and frighten and felt something very bad should happen soon.

I search in the phonebook after somewhere to talk about my bad situation.

I find a women crisis line in Virginia Beach and I called them.

In my first call was it only how I felt me and she said I should call back if it was going to be worse.

I called her again as Lowell son had said something about that his dad had said I was dangerouse and it sounded like he should help his dad in something bad to me.

Just after I had stopped talking and sat on the floor did I see under my bed that the weapon I had before under the bed was gone.

I called immidetly and told the woman that the weapon was gone that was under my bed.

She said she should help me and after an half hour did she called back and said she had been talking to the Police and as Lowell had a son that was Police so should they send him to help me out from Lowells house.

So Lowells son come and we only walk in front of the other son and his girlfriend and they couldn't do anything about it.

Lowells son that come and helped me said in the car that they all had wondering how long I should stay in Lowells house because I was the 6th nurse he had in his home and I was longest staying.

I stay with Lowell from May to August 2001.

The women crises line had paid for 4 days at a hotel for me in Franklin than was I on my own with no money.

I had no chance. I was a small town, Franklin and didn't knew that I could ask the Church for help.

I called Lowell and said that I had worked for him 4 month and had got not more than 30 dollar.

I said he should give me 200 dollar. I was very nervouse what should happen when I met him again but he was only strict in his way and ha said I should sign a paper that I had recieved those kind of money.

I knew he didn't knew my last name so I wrote another last name and made it to not look like my handwriting if he should use it against for some reason.

I wondering if he knew my first name, I doubt it.

One time had I asked his son, Gary if I could work in his 52 room house but he had said that he was manager for the fedral tax so it could be dangerous if people find out that he hire people with no workpermit. ( but he could let his father do it ? ) He could have helped me to get a workpermit but he didn't.

Lowell said his son paid much money to a church but he couldn't help a person close to him. It was easier to only send a check than to do something for a person. It's soooooo wrong !!!!!!

I moved to a cheaper hotel, it was 110 per week to live there and it was breakfast...well american breakfast....donuts and coffee.

Donuts and coffee helped me when I had no money. I took always som donuts with me to my room.

The owner of the hotel was from India.As it was in a small city was it a real hotel were people come and go.

One morning were I by myself with a girl that looked like she was 13-14 years old.

I don't remember how we come to talk but we was talking about God and she said she didn't believed in God anymore.

I asked her why and she said :

"We were poor before when I was 10 and we lived in a trailer-park. I come to be a friend with a girl in the same age. One day did she disappeared. I was praying to God so much that she should come save back home but she was raped and murded. And I lost my believes in God"

She was standing still and looked in my face as she was waiting for an answer from me. I couldn't go away from it, I had to give her an answer.

When I was in her age I also had questions why bad things happen in the world and small babies suffering and died and all the Pastors had answered me " God's ways we don't know " and that answer did I hate as it wasn't an answer for me and I didn't wanted to give it to the girl either.

I asked God in my mind, " God what should I answer her ? " and just when I had asked... God answered me and I told the little girl.

" It's like that you are walking on the street and there go the man you should have been married to on the same street but he walk 10 minutes before you walk there and you will never meet each other. So was it with your friend. She could have been friend to someone else but God made it so you met her and become her friend.

He wanted you to meet her for you to learn from her tragic story so this will not happen you too "

I saw I had said something that made her understand and she was shining with her whole face and said, " Thank you, Thank you, now am I go home and open my Bible again "

When she was gone did I see that the the owner of the hotel had heard everything.

In the evening the same day could I use the answer from God once again.

Some people invited me to the swimingpool and I sat at the pool when a young couple come and sat down.

They didn't looked like a happy and loving couple and in the talk with them did they said they had 3 kids sleeping in their hotel-room..... I said surprised " Three !!" ...they answered me and said,

" it should have been 4 but one died " and then did they asked me why God did so, why God let kids be born for to take them away.

I didn't know but then did I remember what God had said in the morning and told them.

" God gave you this baby for awhile for you to understand to be thankful for the three kids you have in the hotel-room that am well. He could have given this child to another family but He choosed you to be the parents to this little baby because now do He want you to help other people in the same situation and to give information about this special illness that your baby got. "

" It's not about the one that die, it's about how we act and do when someone we sit down and do nothing, do we kill ourself, do we go angry on God, do we stand up and help other in the same situation ...? "

" Go home now and when you see your three kids that am ok, be thankful that God have given you those three beutiful kids, that He have choosen you as parents for His kids ! "

I saw the father understood it as his face also like the girl in the morning was full of relaxing and faith and happy.

I didn't knew what to do with the money for the hotel. I had one day left at the hotel before I should pay.

I waked up at 2 o'clock in the night of a very bright light in a circle hanging in the air in my room.

I sat up in the bed and a loudly voice that I knew since before talked to me...

He said : " You are going to a Church tomorrow.

I asked God : " What for a Church ? "

God: " I will show you "

I asked God : " But what should I say to them ? "

God answered : " I will show you"

I fall to sleep and waked up early in the morning.

I sat at the telephone and then I open the office desk for to see if it was any telephone-book there.

It was both a telephone-book and a Bible from Gideon.

I was thinking I should look for a Church but there was many Churches in the area so I got the idea to not look and put a finger in the book and see were my finger was pointed at.

The church was Rose of Sharon. I had seen a big church in Franklin nd thought it was it.

Then did I wondering what I should say to the Pastor.

I wasn't thinking that the Bible was God's word. I had never read anything in the Bible but I did the same....I looked away and put in a finger in the Bible and my finger pointed on Psalm 86 and I read and saw it describe me exactly !

1 Bow down thine ear, O LORD, hear me: for I am poor and needy.

2 Preserve my soul; for I am holy: O thou my God, save thy servant that trusteth in thee.

3 Be merciful unto me, O Lord: for I cry unto thee daily.

4 Rejoice the soul of thy servant: for unto thee, O Lord, do I lift up my soul.

5 For thou, Lord, art good, and ready to forgive; and plenteous in mercy unto all them that call upon thee.

6 Give ear, O LORD, unto my prayer; and attend to the voice of my supplications.

7 In the day of my trouble I will call upon thee: for thou wilt answer me.

8 Among the gods there is none like unto thee, O Lord; neither are there any works like unto thy works.

9 All nations whom thou hast made shall come and worship before thee, O Lord; and shall glorify thy name.

10 For thou art great, and doest wondrous things: thou art God alone.

11Teach me thy way, O LORD; I will walk in thy truth: unite my heart to fear thy name.

12 I will praise thee, O Lord my God, with all my heart: and I will glorify thy name for evermore.

13 For great is thy mercy toward me: and thou hast delivered my soul from the lowest hell.

14 O God, the proud are risen against me, and the assemblies of violent men have sought after my soul; and have not set thee before them.

15 But thou, O Lord, art a God full of compassion, and gracious, long suffering, and plenteous in mercy and truth.

16 O turn unto me, and have mercy upon me; give thy strength unto thy servant, and save the son of thine handmaid.

17 Shew me a token for good; that they which hate me may see it, and be ashamed: because thou, LORD, hast holpen me, and comforted me.

I called the Church.

The Bishop was in the phone and I told him that God had told me to go to his Church.

He said: " God have not talking to you " I heard he was laughing at me. Then did he say : " Why should God tell you to go to our Church ? We are only 15 people here "

The strange thing was that it was me that had no education that had to tell him that God doesn't look at the size of the Church or how wealthy the Church are

He said he should send the Church-van for to pick me up.

I have an minister from that Church as MySpace friend and I have written to him but he don't answer me. I don't know why he deny me or what happen when I come to his Church.


Message to the Minister if you read this....I am not angry at you that you haven't answered me. I know the reason as God have told them for me but I am not going to write it here what God have said why you don't answer me and I am not going to write anything of what you telling me if you don't want it .


It wasn't the Church in Franklin. I was worried because the van drove the same way as it was to Lowells house. I was worried that some of his family members should be there as they all lived in Sunbeam area outside Franklin.

The rose of sharon church was a cute little Church.

The service had already started but not the preaching.

I asked for the Bishop and they showed me his office. He and his wife was there.

I had written down psalm 86 on a paper that I gave him and said God wanted him to read it.

I was to embarresed to ask for money so I said nothing. The Bishop become angry at me and said that God had not talking to me and I should go out from the office.

But now happen something very strange. It was something come out from me that was VERY angry and I don't know what it said.

I come back to myself again and I saw how the Bishop was starring frighten at me and his wife was sitting in a corner shaking.

I am sure it was God that took over me as I was to weak in myself to say anything.

I went out to the churchservice.

The Bishop told us he had lived in Germany and I was hoping he should understand me better than other people.

Suddenly did I once again go away with my own me. And as always do God let me see the time inside my brain so I knew when we started the service.

It was like the service was 10 minutes long. But in my minds watch did I see that the service had been in 2 hours.

I remember that the Bishop got messages from God.

I had no eyes to see with I only heard the Bishop talking. It was like it was clouds that was before my eyes.

I heard the Bishop said from God that I should lay my hand on my stomach and heal myself.

That healing lasted for me in 3 month. I need to take medicine every day for my sour stomach but in 3 month didn't I needed any medicine and it was a blessing as I had no money to buy any medicine or go to the Doctor.

At DeDe house had I got medicine from the girl that should be Doctor but most of my medicine was gone.

Then did the Bishop said that God said 12.......12, 12, 12 did he say God said but the Bishop didn't knew what is was.

If you know what it can be .... tell me but 12 is the most Holy number of all number but can it be 12x12x12= 1728 ? or 36 ?

The answer for me is that God pointed out me as one of his disciples.

Then did the Bishop said people should give money to me and he was laying 20 dollar to me and all together gave me 82 dollar so I could stay some more days at the hotel.

The Bishop and his wife drove me back to the hotel, the Bishop was real drained out and said nothing.

I put in all the money I got at the hotel and left was $10 for food for one week.

I still had not understand how to ask in the Church so I sat down and look in the phonebook and called all the Churches I could find in Franklin but it only gave me $100 phone-bill and a pancake from a Church that turned in it at the hotel without wanted to meet me.

I was sooooooo hungry..oh how I hated those sweet baby donuts we got every morning that I had to eat for to survive.

One day couldn't I take it anymore.

I walk to Pizza Hut and should eat for my last money.

They had a pizza buffe and I started to eat there but couldn't enjoy my dinner as it was my last money.

I was late so the buffe was almost over but after been out of food for so long time wasn't I really hungry or if it was the nervouse for my life.

So it wasn't much people eating at Pizza Hut and many tables was empty but suddenly did I hear a voice that asked if she coud sit at my table.

She was like a twin of the security guard at the airport that helped me to get money.

Her hair was blonde and long with some curles and the skin was pale.

She said she had to watch her truck as she had stuff on there so she had to check out in the window when she ate.

Once again was I like in a bubble or a cloud and I didn't really paid attention to things around me, it was like I was sitting and sleeping.

I heard her saying she had travel 50 miles to come to Franklin and buy something for her horses.

She said she wrote a book about horses. She liked white horses...that was all I remember from my meeting with her.

As quick as she showed up at my table as quick was she away. I never saw her coming and I never saw her leaving.

I walk to the cashier and should pay my dinner. The waitress looked at me very surprised and said that my friend had paid for my dinner.

For me was she an angel because everything sounded strange for me as she scould have sit closer to the door and have a windows also there so why did she need to sit at my table ?

One day after been out walking and my key to the room doesn't worked so I had to go and get me a new, was the owner of the hotel starring at me behind his security glass and said, " You are an Holy person "

And in the reflection of the glass did I see those eyes I have in my picture that I don't have normal. I was in the effect of God when I did that picture, it was the day I got my airline ticket to USA I took that picture. It's my Holy me - picture.

I understood I had to go back to Virginia Beach. I had a phone to call in so I called a provider of shelter in Suffolk. I can call her Karen, she said she had no shelter for me but I needed to go out from the hotel.

She said she should pay for a motel in Suffolk until she find a shelter for me.

The hotel owner gave me an address to his other hotel in Norfolk and said I had to come there and live and I should get a good rate there.

I sat outside my room and read the Bible and made a drawing of what I read. I had packed my suitcase and sat in the nice weather on a chair.

Out from the other room next to mine come a man out and was like hanging in the opening.

He was talking to me but I didn't heard what he was saying. I started to read my Bible againd when God told me to go and check the mans leg.

I went down on my knees in front of the man and I saw a big open wound that was very infected so it was a blue color skin around it.

God told me I had to bring this man to the hospital or else should he die.

When I was standing on my knees did I hear the man telling me that he had done this in a car crash.

He said he had stealen his brothers new car and crashed it and now was he frighten to be beaten up or killed of his brother so he was on his run from him. He had got antibiotica at the emergency room but the medicine was eaten up and finnished.

Karen come and I told her without care if I had to stay back for this man, that the man have to go to the hospital.

She took us both with her in to her home. She said she couldn't hear what the man was saying as he was speaking Spanish and she couldn't.

She said she should call her husband that knew Spanish but he couldn't understand the man. I asked Karen why she had to call. I had told her the story the man had said but she called the hospital to get a person that was spanish speaking.

It was not an mexican spanish this man was talking so it took some time before the hospital find someone that could understand the man.

After the call Karen turned to me and said: " It was just as you said it was but you said you couldn't any Spanish ? ". I think that is talking in tounges ! God made me could hear this man without knowing Spanish.

We drove to the hospital and the Doctor said if we had not coming in with the man that day had it be too late to save the mans leg ! Just as God said to me.

The ill man was laying at the hospital for two days and Karen took me to a motel for two days.

I wasn't so worried as Karen took care of me so I got my period back again after some monthes without it.

Karen had find a place for me at the Salvation army shelter in Chesapeak and the Pastor that drove me said I wasn't allowed to stay there if I did any drugs and they checked people if they did.

I said many times to him that hated drugs and have never done it.

But when they should test me for drugs did the woman at the shelter that it was suspicion and the Pastor got angry at me and said I had lie for him in the car but I said to him I had my persiod and the blood could make it harder to see the test result and I also was eating painkiller for my pain.

When he was gone and I was worried to not have a bed to sleep in did the woman said to me that the test was ok and I could stay there......

I never will know if she did it for to make me look bad in the Pastors eyes or not but as they treated me at the sheltr do I think it was the case...both to make him angry and to make me nervouse.

Salvation army shelter was a true hell.

I told them that I had no workpermit in USA but still did they make me ask for 5 jobs per day. I had a paper that the job had to sign under I had been there.

I had 2 weeks to get me a job or else I was out from the shelter.

What could I do without a workpermit ?

They never told me I had to go on some kind of meetings in some evenings. I find it out when I got a letter for the manager that I have to go out from the shelter in 3 days because I had not showed up for their meetings and that I had not been to their Church.

No one told me I had to do those things ! I was the only white in the shelter even the staff was black and in that time didn't I know all those trick and signs the black have between them so they were very mean to me as I didn't understood them.

They said I was filthy but I was the only one that took a shower every day. The manager was angry at me as I was so late out from the shelter. I said I take a shower every day but the other didn't, that's why I was later out than them.

The rules was that we had to be out from Salvations area before 8 and the breakfast was at 7 but it was only me and those with kids that was eating breakfast as theother girls had their own money or went home to their parents for to eat.

I had to find me a new place fast, in 3 days.

I read an ad in the newspaper about getting room and food if I took car of and old man. I called and got the job.

I have forgotten to write about one very important meeting. I was still in the Salvation army shelter and close to the shelter was an free clinic.

That morning did I go up early for to stay in line for the Doctor. But when I come to the door it said on the sign that it was closed because of the Labor day.

I said to God " Why did you said I should go here ? I could have been eating breakfast instead and now do I not get any medicine or breakfast ! "

I had heard about the free clinic of an accident as people didn't wanted to tell me anything for to help me so I was thinking it was God that let me know.

But now did it look like I had thinking wrong.

I was walking slowly back home as it was already too late for breakfast and I had nothing to do as I couldn't look for a job..

Later on did I come to a place were people was putting up clothes to give away. It was a church and I stopped and asked if I could help them to put up the clothes.

I was working hard and they were very thankful and when they took a break I also got to eat a meal from MacDonalds for free, my breakfast.

I forget to get me some clothes too and it was time to put the left over clothes into sacks.

A woman asked me if I didn't wanted any clothes. I wasn't thinking it was any nice clothes left but after 2 hours given away but to my surprised did it hang the same dress as DeDe showed me she had when she was at the military banquets. It was a white dress with white pearls. Could it happen so that they had clothes from DeDe ? that had moved to Germany ? Weired if it was so.....

Later on come a woman to our camp and she asked for me !!! I didn't knew that woman but she said that God was talking to her that she should find a woman from another country there.

The Church didn't knew her and as I had asked the Pastor at the salvation army for a real old Bible with leather and he said he hadn't a Bible for me.

I was thinking I should ask the people there for one.

The Pastor said I should come to her van and in the van she gave me $5 but then did she stopped and heard God telling her to give me $10.

I asked her if she had a Bible and she had just that Bible I had asked for.

I have that Bible with me here when I write and I never change it for another as this Bible have been with me in all those bad situations in USA.

I didn't liked that the Pastor wrote in the Bible but I am to kind to say anything.

It says : "Given to Eva in Jesus name, Pray for me Marie Bailey"

This happen in Virginia Beach area.

A young handsome man come and get me at the salvation army, he was about 35 years old, I call him Bill.

He come in a truck and before we should go home did we go to food lion and got some boxes of waste greens and fruit that Bill paid $5 for.

Then were we to a bakery and got some boxes of old bread.

Bill told me that they had some carousels and a pony ride and party business and the boxes for the animals to eat.

They had a small ranch and the road up to the ranch was deep hole in so Bill had to drive in zigzag between the groups.

I wandering who had such road up to their house without repair it but it was good effect to stop cars to come to the house.

Bills mother was 52 years old and she took care of two kids, one boy at 1 years of age and one girl who was 3. I call the mother for Debby.

Her father that I should take care of was paralized but seems a very kind man and I saw his eyes was begging me for help, I saw he was scared.

In the family was it also a woman in her 30's. She was a skinny woman that lived under the house. She looked like she had not long time to live. I call her Cindy.

Debby said that Cindy was a big fat woman when she come to the house but now was she so fine in her body, did she said and I couldn't believe what I heard.

Debby said I should eat the same food as the animals. Rotten greens and fruit and old bread, the same did Cindy.

Debby and Bill was eating normal food.

She showed me how to feed her father. He also got the rotten fruits mostly bananas she said because he must get the food out fast from his paralized body.

She had medicine for to get diarrehea on her father and she took much medicine in his food and then did she gave him.

I sat me down to read from the Bible for him, Psalm 34, a verse God had pointed out by my way to put in a finger in my Bible and the old man got calmed.

Debby had a boyfriend and he come and took the baby boy to the Doctor.

We sat in the kitchen and Debby was talking about the people in the house.

She said that Bill needed a new woman and Cindy who was Bills girlfriend was not longer into sex.

I felt she was talking to me to be Bills girlfriend, I looked at Cindy that was close to us.

About the little cute 3 years old girl said Debby it was her other sons with a mother that had left the house and left her daughter behind for Debby to take care of. It seemed like the girl was the only that was taken care of like Debby and she was friends or playmates.

About the little boy said Debby that his mother had lived in the house and was Bills son. She said the mother of the little boy had put in poison in the soda bottles they had and they got sick.

When she said it, God told me it was Debby that was talking about herself !!!!

It stood clear for me that Debby put poison in the food and it was kind of protecting us in the same time that we should eat fruit so we didn't got so much poison.

I understood she poisoned her father by given him too much of the medicine for to bring diarreha.

Then did I get it more to me when Debby's boyfriend come home and said that the Doctor said the baby was too much under-weight.

Bill showed me where I should sleep but my room wasn't ready to be used.

Cindy lived in the same place and she had no walls !!!! It was no walls in her room it was only the foundation of the house and I suppose it should have been a garage under the house but it wasn't done.

Cindy lived like a very bad taken care of slave. I think she was mental broken down of Bill and his mother so she couldn't run from them.

I was going to sleep at the sofa in the kitchen with my belongings behind the sofa.

I couldn't believe what I heard and saw next..... you will never believe me....never but this is true...!!!

I asked Debby where I should take my shower.

She open a bathroom and there was a big BEAVER !!!!

It was full grown up beaver and very fat of the cookies Debby gave him. He had eaten up most of the floor and I should share the bathroom with him.

Do you know how big a beaver is for real ? He was up to my knees high and very fat and strong with his big teeth.

I walked in with a big towel into the bathtube and took a shower but when I should go out, he didn't let me.

He was making a sound of a very angry beaver ! I was screaming at Debby to help me out but ofcourse didn't she come for to help me.

The beavers teeth could brake my legs easily and I had nothing to defend me with.

I had to go out from the bathroom so I took a very big risk when I stepped out and I let the towle be my weapon.

The beaver bite big hole in the towel but I come out safe, all because of God.

I had to leave that crazy house and people but how? Debby was at home the whole time.

In the morning did I waked up of Debby telling me to help her clean her father.

The poor man was laying in his own excrements. I have worked as a nurse for 5 years with old people and I have never seen any person do so much. He was full of excrements from head to toes.

I cleaned him up but as soon I was done and have taken on him his clothes he did it again and I had start over. After the poor man was sleeping of beeing drained out.

The Pastor that had given me the Bible had also given me her phone number and I was holding it in my hand for hours to see if I had a chance to call her for help.

Debby had a cordless phone so she had it with her the whole time.

But God was sending Bill and Cindy out for a job and they were not back for to give the animals food.

So Debby had to go out and feed them and she left the phone on the table !!!

I took the phone and called Pastor Mary but she said she had job to do but then did she changed her mind and said she should come and get me.

I started to pack my suitcases and Debby come in and saw it. " So you are leaving us", she said.

"Then do you have to wait outside for the car", she said angry.

I had to sit at a doorstep and Debby took and let out her dogs.

When Pastor Mary come with her car had I been sitting for one hour with two big Doberman dogs on each side of me. They were so close to me so they had their noses tickeling me in my ears but I had to sit still as for every move I did they snarl.

Mary open only a little of her window at her car and she was screaming to me " You have to help yourself, I refuse to go out ".....

Slowly, slowly did I walked to the car and the small dogs was jumping into the cars side scratch it up with their clows.

Mary had a friend with her and she said I could live in her place, that she had a room for me.

At my new place did I called the Police and told them about Debby and her house. They send me to social workers that heard my story. I couldn't do more for the kids, the old man and Cindy.

And now did I come to Chris home.

It was a white woman in her 50's. She had an apartment with two bedroom.

I got a small bedroom to share with her cats toilet so I couldn't close my door, once again was my life as an open door, no private life.

I maybe needed to learn me to stay quite and not be seeing but to not be seeing had I been my whole life so it was no big deal for me. I am so thankful that I have never smoked, it had cost me much problems.

As always was Chris nice to me and had no sign of beeing crazy. I was wondering how she got her money for the rent.

It was a small but very nice home.

Chris had two sons. One lived in an apartment under us and was a real drinker with an filthy apartment. I was worried that he should complain about me so I had to go out from where I was.

The second son had been staying home until he was 35 but now had he at last met a girl and lived with her in Florida.

We never eat outside, Chris did her own food and I think it was because I was eating too she cooked so poor meals.

It was only veggies soup all the time and bread. I suppose she got the food from Mary's Church.

Chris showed how she got some money and cloths for herself.

In the morning on the day when trash should pick up did we take Chris car and go to a middle class area and picked up trash bags that looked like it was clothes in or other values.

Then did we go home and looked in them. Chris had done this for a long time so it was seldom it was any real trash in the sacks.

She washed the clothes and was selling them.

One day when we were out did I start to see sign of crazy acting from Chris.

We were hurry home one day when we in the traffic saw a red car and Chris was like obsessed.

" We have to follow that car !! " and we started to follow the red car.


Chris was only starring at the red car and saw nothing else than this red car. She was into crash in cars sometimes on her way after the car.

She told me it was her past boyfriend that had breaked up from her because of the woman he had in the car now.

She told me how great lover he was and how she tried to get him back.

I saw that the couple knew they where followed.

Chris had not much money but she bought clothes and shoes to the ex-boyfriend and put gifts every day outside his door.

I suppose many gifts was stealen or put in the trash of the new girlfriend but Chris become more obsessed when she saw the gift was gone as she thought the ex-boyfriend had taken them in to his home and wored it.

I have never seen any person so obsessed of a person.

I started to understand she was mental sick.

Once again did I had to lived with a mental sick person.

I started to call Wavy-TV and 10 on your side where you called for many sorts of help.

I was hoping they could help me out in the situation I was in.

First of all did I needed a workpermit in USA and hoped TV could help me.

I come to talk to Kelly Wilson many times ( her name now is Kelly Welsh )

I told her my story and she listen at it and said to me that comfort me and made me hope she should do a program of my case.

She said: " Either are you the best lier in the whole world or else do you have an unbelievable to tell "

But I should never know what the answer was as September 11 come and TV was busy in New York.

In that time did I had a friend also that was the technology expert on Wavy TV, Peter Duncan.

I met him online when I lived at the old Pastors house and he said when I just had moved to Virginia " Welcome to heaven and hell "

How right shouldn't he have........

I lost him in New York when he was there to report from the terrorist attack. He thought he should be in New York for one month but he ended up there as he met his wife to be there.

Chris never had the TV on but that morning, September 11 was she home in the morning and was drinking her coffee when she watch the news.

I was in the kitchen when she screamed that an airplane hit the twin tower.

I didn't really believed her but I could see it by myself.

I sat down to listen at it and I saw an airplane hit the tower. I thought it was a replaying of what happen but it was the second airplane I saw.

It was hard to understand it really happen so we sat only and starring at the TV without saying anything.

Then suddenly went Chris up and said scared " I have a friend in the church, who's husband are pilot and fly between Los Angeles and New York, I will call her and ask her if her husband is flying today"

I was talking for a long time in the phone and come back white in her face.

She sat down first before she told me that her friends husband should have been the pilot in the second airplane but she had her birthday September 11 so her husband had switch his schedule with another person and had taken a airplane home in the morning for to surprise her, if he had not done it 3 small kids had lost their father.

The airports around New York was busy and full of flight so we had our airport in Norfolk also very busy, people had to fly to Norfolk and take a car to New York from the airport.

I lived close to the airport and I was thinking that's how it is when it's war. Most scary was the military helicopter with their lights on circulation on a low level around our area in the nights.

I don't know what they were looking for in 3-4 nights after September 11 maybe they looked after the navy so it shouldn't happen anything with the ships.

It was very scaring to be a foreigner in that time.

I was to the store in the afternoon September 11 and I saw those trucks with all the american flags hanging and flying in the wind when they were driving and people was screaming to kick out all people that wasn't american citizen from USA.

As long as I didn't open my mouth people thought I was born american. From that day did I knew how important it was for me to really learn English so good so I had no accent left, it was between life or death.

I was to the little store that a man from India owned. He said he was scared to be killed so he said he should close his store for some days. He said he had heard one man from India was killed that day, that had a store.

I called the wavyTV after three days and said they had to stop talking about other countries like all was terrorist because we all from other countries couldn't walk out from our homes as we were so scared.

Chris started to be scared of me.

My daughter called as she wondering what was going on in USA. Swedens country number is 46 and now did Chris said that I was talking English to my dughter and I had lied when I said she was in Sweden as the number was to Chicago area. I suppose Chicago have also 46 and I was talking English to my daughter because I am polite and kindly and wanted Chris to hear that we were not talking about her.

She didn't understood that my daughter in Sweden was so extreamly good in English, I maybe had not told Chris that my daughter had been in school in Texas.

Now tried Chris to do mean things to me for to rush me out from her home.

I called the woman that had helped me in Franklin to give me a new shelter but there wasn't any bed for me in a shelter.

One day was Chris so angry at me. I had called Pastor Marie and talked about how weired Chris was and Marie had recorded what I had said and let Chris listen at it.

She was so mean to me so I didn't knew what to do. When she was screaming at me I was praying to God inside my mind to help me, to do something that made Chris focus on other things than me.

20 minutes after the pray come Chris son in so drunk and fall down on the floor and was crying.

He said his fiancee had kicked him out from their home in Florida.

This was his first girlfriend..... as a man of 40 years of age and Chris had been so happy about getting him married and now was he back home.

She stopped to be mean to me. Her son was sleeping in his brothers apartment under us.

That gave me time to wait for a bed in a shelter and I was so happy when I could move to a shelter in Portsmouth for battered women.

Early October 2001

It was in a shelter at Afton Park in Portsmouth, Virginia, USA.

We were about 15 women, I and another girl was white in the shelter.

It was a nice feeling to have a girl there that wasn't american, she was from Turkey and the black people treated her worse than me.

She had a little baby and her husband had beaten her up but she was wealthy and had a big house to go back to when everything had sattle down.

She also could drive away from the shelter to friends every day and not like me be like in prison for where should I go when I had not 1 dollar ?

This was a shelter where you hide in only. I was the only poor woman there. I was the only one that needed to eat of donation food....fresh food not old, the other if they didn't like what we had for dinner could eat at a resturang.

It was in that shelter I get the best clothes, shoes and other stuff from. Those wealthy women didn't want any of the donation stuff !!

I was angry how people was thinking. These women had money to buy their own stuff it was only they need to stay there for not be beaten up again and it was there people gave away the best stuff.

Wal-mart donated to that shelter not to the other so I had a huge bag full of new socks from wal-mart and maybe 50 new underwear/pants and 30 bra.

I even find gold and other jewlery in the bags people gave us.

The best was that most of the time didn't any care to look in the bags that come in so I was alone looking in them.

But I heard that first did the case-worker at the shelter looked in the bags and took what they wanted if it wasn't the time when the office had visit from important people of United way, in that time did we get in the sacks immidetly without it had been in the office first and it was those times I find gold.

We had a office with 5 full-time paid workers and they were white but they never worked with us, they did the paperworks for united way.

We had 2 workers in the shelter and one was a big fat black woman that was so mean to some people.... that included me....

This fat woman was most of time there in the shelter, they said it was she that took most of the donations so she didn't needed to work a ordinary job as she earned so much by stealing in the shelter.

We find out she was stealing one day. We started to be angry at each other because stuff was stealen in our rooms.

We had our own room all of us and one day couldn't I find my nice golden watch I had from Sweden. I was locking my room so no one could come in without any key when I was away.

It was only the fat lady working in the shelter as it was Sunday. I said to her that my watch was gone in my room and I said at chance that God see everything and will punish the one that took my watch, I was so angry and sad when my watch from Sweden was gone.

When I come back from the Church did I find my watch behind a photo of my daughter and I was sure I had not put the watch there.

That was her last stealing. One of the more powerful women in the shelter was talking to United way and said they should look at the film as we had camera in the shelter looking at our doors for our rooms.

They looked at the film and saw the fat woman visit our rooms when we were not there. But she was not fired from her job in the shelter.

In the shelter wasn't I allowed to do the food. Each person that was staying in the shelter had their shores in the kitchen but I wasn't allowed to cook food only cleaning the kitchen.

I also had the bathrooms to clean and not other things in the shelter.

It was very humiliating to be treated like that especial when I am an excellent cook growing up in resturangs.

And ofcourse when I was the cleaner of the bathrooms did they made a worse mess than they should if they had been the cleaner.

One more bad thing was that they gave people "goodies-bags" in the shelter....I suppose it was parfume and make-up stuff that was donated. I saw it only when the other got it but I never got any of those they called goodies-bag"

I hated those "secrets" the black people had between them, call it racism from black people to white people in the lowest place in the sociaty.

Those who lived at the shelter had money.

Only to not could hide the monthly bleeding. I had no money to buy any pads. I had to beg for pads every time I was bleeding and it was given out only one at the time.

Begging of an asperin every time you are in pain..... I had very painful bleedings so I needed pain-killer the first two days but I didn't get it but the shock I lived in made me forget the pain as I had so much bad around me also, so there was the bad life good...if you can say so....

Now was it a time when God was very close.

I started to join a white Baptist church in Afton Park. It was a very big old church maybe 100 years.

Their old Pastor and preacher for 30-40 years had just died and his son had become their Pastor after his dad but people in the Church didn't liked it or the Pastor.

People in that church was like kkk they were talking bad behind the young Pastors back about him and his family.

The first morning when I walk in to that Church did it happen great things.

I didn't knew when the Church started so it was already started when I arrived to the service and they were singing.

The Pastor sat at the piano. He said the Church had got new hymnal books and he said he had looked in the new book in the evening the day before.

He said that he had find a new song that was so nice and said he hoped that the Church could learn it.

I thought I should faint...all my blood went down to my feet when we started to sing my parents favourite hymnal and the one I sang on boths funerals.

After the song did the Pastor said he saw a new face this morning and they gave me a microphone and wanted me to introduce myself.

I said I come from the country where the song we had just sang come from.

Day by day and with each passing moment,
Strength I find to meet my trials here;
Trusting in my Father's wise bestowment,
I've no cause for worry or for fear.
He whose heart is kind beyond all measure
Gives unto each day what he deems best
Lovingly, its part of pain and pleasure,
Mingling toil with peace and rest.

Ev'ry day the Lord himself is near me
With a special mercy for each hour;
All my cares he fain would bear, and cheer me,
He whose name is Counsellor and Pow'r.
The protection of his child and treasure
Is a charge that on himself he laid;
"As thy days, thy strength shall be in measure,"
This the pledge to me he made.

Help me then in every tribulation
So to trust thy promises, O Lord,
That I lose not faith's sweet consolation
Offered me within thy holy word.
Help me, Lord, when toil and trouble meeting,
E'er to take, as from a father's hand,
One by one, the days, the moments fleeting,
Til I reach the promised land.

After the service come a man to me and he was crying so much..... I have nevr seen so much tears from a person like from him.

He was crying so much so I couldn't hear what he said.

I don't like money in the church so I only took the dollar bills and put it in my pocket without looking at them.

At the shelter did I met the only wanna-be-christian and she asked me how it was in the Church.

I told her and then did I remember that I had got money from the man.

I told her I had got money from a man and I took up one of the two dollar bill and it was $50 !!! I was so happy for have got money at last.

Then I said I had got one more dollar bill and I was thinking it can't be more than the $50 but it was $200 !!!

I was thinking what God wanted me to use the money for...

I remember when I was kidnapped in Florida that it had been nice to have a phone to call the police.

I decided me to get me a phone. I had my phone from Florida but it didn't worked outside Florida. ( I got the phone AFTER the kidnapping )

I thought it should cost me $40 but when I come to the mall and should buy a phone did they say I couldn't get a phone as I had no credits in USA.

I had to buy me the cell phone and with the busticket and a hamburger on MacDonalds was it $250 !!

Once again was I broked but I was used with it now.

One day did I got a message from God to go and talk to the Pastor in the Baptist Church.

I went in at his office and got an appointment for Friday. I didn't knew what I should talk about but as God told me to do an appointment I did it.

On Friday when I come in at th office did the Pastor said irritated that he had no time for talk to me.

I should go out from the office when he changed his mind and said we should go into his room. I was scared because I had nothing to talk about and he was busy.

When we come into his room did he said he was in hurry because he had been fired as a Pastor for the Church and should move next day.

It was me that said I should pray for him and I took his hands and pray to God and he calmed down and the tears I saw in his eyes stopped.

I said in my spirit that God moved him to a better place and sometimes do God move us with force or else do we not walk to the next level.

I was so happy that God had showed me the way to a man in need..... it doesn't matter if it was a Pastor... he needed my healing !! It wasn't me the appointment was was for the Pastor !

A person invited me to her Church for a single meeting in the Saturday evening.

It's should be food and movie in the Church so I liked to go there.

I turned in a paper for to be allowed to be out late or else should we be in before 10 o'clock in the evening.

It was a woman that took me with her car to the Church but when I should go home she wasn't there anymore.

I had to wait for someone to drive me home so it was after 10 o'clock when we drove to the shelter.

I sat and talked to the young girl in her car for a moment and she gave me her phone number and said I should call if I needed her for any must have been God that was talking to her.

When I come to the shelter around 10.30 was the fat woman there and she said I had to be out before 4 o'clock next day because I had been out too late.

I tried to tell people that I had a paper in their office that said I was allowed to stay out late that evening but the paper was gone.

I was hoping that this young girl could help me out.

Only one hour after she had given me her phone number, I had to use it !

I asked her for help and she said she should ask a woman that she knew rent out rooms cheap.

The fat woman was happy more than ever because the same day as I should leave had they kicked out the Turkish girl too so there wasn't any white in the shelter.

The fat woman thought she had kicked me out on the street and I had to leave all the stuff I had got in the shelter to her.

I had at least 20 boxes full of stuff in my room.

It was a big victory when the young girl come and helped me move out with all my boxes.

I had to pay $300 for my room and I had not 1 dollar.

*I had to jump back in time here and go back to the other shelter, the salvation army shelter.

I need to tell what God did one day about money.

I was out and looking for jobb and I went away before the breakfast as I had got a complain that I was too late out from the shelter.

We got bus-tokens from the shelter so I had been far away the whole day and had not eaten breakfast or lunch and now was it late and I had just missed the suppar too.

I was sooooooo hungry.... I had to take my last dollars to buy me a plain hamburger.

When I eat my hamburger did I talked to God, " Why must I be hungry ? Now have I taken my last money because I was so hungry "

When I come out from MacDonalds wasn't it not any cars or people close even if it was in the busy hours at 7.

When I looked down at the parking lot did I see like silver balls laying on the ground. I picked it up and saw it was 1 dollar.....then did I see it was laying 5 more balls and together was it $20 !

It was like someone put together small balls and throw it on the parking ground it was so weired so it could only been from God...ONLY.

I moved in to Miss Martha, a light brown woman with a deep voice and around 65.

She was well respected of people on the street and she owned 3 houses and 2 did she rent out room in.

She gave me the biggest room in the house as it was the only one empty and I paid $300 after had walked around and begged.

I was not allowed to have any food in the kitchen and not to make any food there as she said that white people was filthy.

She was in the biggest Baptist church in Portsmouth and I was also there and we sang in the same chorus.

So I was very surprised that she had a bar in that house I was in. She made home-made whiskey and was selling it from the house I lived in.

It was hard to sleep there because people was drinking and made drugs on the other side of the wall.

Martha said to drink beer wasn't a sin so she was drinking it.

There was some black men that wanted to be with me and I was scared as I had no lock on the door to my room.

I had no money so it didn't matter I couldn't use the kitchen but I was angry that Martha said I used the shower too much. ( it maybe destroyed her thoughts of white beeing filthy )

The best with Marthas house was that I was close to the soupkitcen so I could go there to eat breakfast and lunch.

I was the only white person there but it was always someone that wanted me to sit with them and it was those homeless that did drugs but had an education behind them.

The food I eat in the soupkitchen was out of date food and it make me angry to meet people that say they give food to people in Jesus Christ name when they give the homeless people food they don't even give their pets.

I was looking for job but in Portsmouth was it hard to get job. I could work at the fancy Hotel in Norfolk but their wasn't any buses going from Norfolk to Portsmouth in the late evening and it was too dangerous to walk in the tunnels.

Marthas brother moved in and he was around 70 and liked to make those mindplaying games that those black wealthy people are playing.

I hated it so much when I saw those with money playing with money like they didn't mean a thing but give one dollar to poor white woman was impossible, it was only with my body I could get dollar from them and they prefered to burn up the money sometimes in front of me.

The house was so evil and one day had someone been into my room and stealen my walkman and some CD's I had with me from Sweden and for me was it impossible to buy a new one.

When it was time for to pay my rent didn't I had any money to pay it with.

Martha said she didn't wanted to throw out me as we belonged to the same church.

She let me sleep on the floor in her living-room with no blanket or pillow.

The third night did I waked up that someone was on his way to rape me but I was to tired to could fight back.

But somewhere in the dark did I hear a voice telling the man to let me be.... maybe it was Martha or someone else that couldn't see me be raped.

Next morning did I said to God that I shouldn't be sleeping one night more there in the house even if I should sleep on the street.

At lunch time was I eating in the soupkitchen when three black men stepped in and come to the table where I sat with two other women.

The men said they had startd a church and now did they wanted to help homeless women.

They drove to Marthas house and took all my boxes with them in their trucks.

The church was on it's way to rent a room in a filthy hotel when one of the women said she used to be there and selling her body and she was crying so much so the Pastor melted and took us to a real normal hotel.

I shared a room with 2 women that did drugs and was selling their bodies for drugs.

They never go to sleep but I was so tired so I slept with lights in my eyes and their screaming.

I was so happy to could sleep in a clean bed and room.

The Church helped us get a job.

We were 10 people that started to work at Lily Vernon as cleaner over the Christmas season.

I was the only white worker and the manager for the cleaning told me that he hated white folks because of what they did in the slavery time.

He gave me the job to clean all the bathrooms in the building, it was 10 bethrooms and together 50 toilets and I worked full-time the whole nights long.

The other people sweep the floors and cleaned the offices.

All the others could sleep 2 hours at the job but I had so much to do so I wasn't finnished until the morning when we should go home.

I know the security guard allowed the other to sleep in the night, they even let them in to a room where they could sleep.

But I was thinking about Jesus how much he was suffering and that made me could work.

It was in this time I got reumatic fever because I couldn't stay home and one night was I working with so much fever so I almost worked in unconsciousness.

When I waked up in the morning had I so much pain so I had to crawl on the floor out to the bathroom.

Every Friday said the manager for the cleaning that he wanted to fire me and I said the same all the time " is it in God's will that you should fire me, so go a head and fire me then " I said it by holding out my arms like I was on the cross.

The other thought it was so funny to hear the manager screaming at me that I was fired.

And they asked me in the car if I was fired and laugh at me but I said he wanted me back on Monday.

The fun was that I was the only one they kept when the Christmas season was over.

This was written about my first year in USA but I was out on the street for 2 and half years more.

Now am I going to write the rest in my E-book

My story is protected of God.



Created by Eva Virginius, 2008


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